The complexes that won't die

I'm not a psychologist to talk about human complexes, but I want to store here what I've understood so far about one such pair - inferiority and superiority complexes. Because I don't have a formal education in these, I will just call them mediocrity and meliority complexes. Meliority may not be the right word to use, but it sounds rhyming, so I will just continue. I'll try to keep this equivocal, because I'm still finding it ambiguous myself, as is true with most of the topics that I write here anyway.

A villager looking at the city life can get two kinds of feelings, either a 'wow' or a 'yikes', that can keep internally transitioning, in different magnitudes. Somewhere during one of those transitions, he might convince himself with a "No, this is not for me" feeling, and when posted with arguments from the other side, he could get defensive. On the other hand, a person from the city could have an opposite feeling during one his transitions between 'wow' and 'yikes' about village life. He slowly starts to convince himself saying "My God, I can't live here", and when posted with an argument from the other side, he could get snobbish.

While the apparently mediocre person in the first example, during his defensive conduct could appear to be having a meliority complex and while the apparently meliorative person in the second example, during his snobbish conduct could appear to be having a mediocrity complex, those might not be the right interpretations. Combine these with human emotions and cursory feelings, you have an intriguing case study to analyze. As long as mediocrity brings in strength and meliority brings in humility, we're in control of our emotions. But the moment it swings the other way, we're inviting trouble, not just for ourselves, but for people around us too.

Given the fact that we live in a world that is far from ideal, it is difficult for anyone to be devoid of such feelings. When we've a mediocre feeling about something, it's so difficult to get rid of it unless we can substitute the feeling with a sense of achievement over either the same thing or a different thing. And when we've a meliorative feeling about something, it's so difficult to get rid of it unless we become empathetic and believe that we could have very easily been on the other side. Even if nothing of that is possible, I think if we take the pain to listen to others as well as spend some time being introspective, we may be able to put these complexes to rest over time.

Won't complexes die? I don't think so. But you can think!

It is during these moments that ...

Nature always awes us. The night sky looks so beautiful when you just look up lying down on grass, but you're left breathless the moment you start imagining that our own sun is a star and that every other star could be hosting a set of planets too. Maybe there are million other earths? Maybe there are humans in each of them? Maybe they're not humans at all?

I was just watching the videos from Japan and started wondering about nature, again. Houses floated, cars washed away, thousands killed. How good is our house in a storm? How good is our car in water? How good is our life in death? Yes, our prayers are with the Japanese, but I've no clue how prayers help someone in suffering. Maybe they do, I don't know how God operates. Wait, I think I don't even know how I operate.

In a team meeting a couple of years back, as my manager announced the demise of one of my team mates in the US who had died of stroke, he said "It's during these moments that you realize work is just one part of your life. The company will run the same way without you, but your family may not. Spend time with your family. Go, enjoy with your friends. Do things that you always wanted to do." As he was saying this, his eyes started becoming wet. Yes, he was telling this to himself too.

True, it's during these moments that you realize that you're just a small part of something big you never can imagine. It's during these moments that you understand that all the races that we've created for ourselves are so untrue. It's during these moments that you question yourself if you were ever useful to anyone. It's during these moments that you wonder how many people you have made happy. It's during these moments that you start believing that life is for living.

Whose love is it anyway?

India could've been the land of sages and serpents, but the serpents have now transformed into cell phones. On the face of it, India might appear to be the domicile of the poor and the needy, but inside this mysterious place is the thirst and hunger to beat the world and be number one. You step inside and the vibrancy will touch you. This is a nation that is transforming.

But one thing has long stood the tide of transformation, the Indian wedding. Neither has the money spent in nor has the prestige associated with weddings changed for centuries. Statistics say ten years of savings are wiped out during every Indian wedding. And this trickles down all the way to the bottom. Banks say most farmer loan defaults happen because the borrowed money is not spent on agriculture but on weddings instead.

But all of this is not to celebrate the union of two souls that were in love for many years. In fact love in most Indian marriages starts only after the wedding, for the couple had just got introduced to each other a few weeks earlier, through their parents, and couldn't have managed to fall in love yet. If the introduction happened the other way around, well, you'll not find too many like that, but if any, such marriages will not happen without frown from the parents or scorn from the society.

But then, is one kind of marriage progressive and the other, regressive? To answer this question we need to know if one marriage is happier than the other. Again, statistics don't say so. You talk with couples, they don't say so either. Well, then there is no logic in arguing about which one is better. Probably the one that better upholds love, will and hope is better. But whose love are we talking about here? Whose will? Whose hope? Wait, do we even care about these four-letter words anymore? I'm not sure. I hear a few other four-letter words much more often these days.

Whose marriage is it anyway? No, I think the question should be whose love is it anyway!

Humans belong to the most civilized species?

Bangladeshi fans hurl stones at the bus carrying West Indian players who were on their way back to their hotel. That's because Bangladesh were bundled out for 58, possibly the lowest total in Cricket World Cup. Police say the fans mistook it for the bus carrying the Bangladeshi players. Whatever it is, I don't think this demonstrates any kind of civilizational act. I remember Dravid's house in Bangalore being guarded for a few days after India's first round exit in the previous world cup. The terrorists are not far behind either. The cricketing world cannot forget the free shooting attacks on the bus carrying Sri Lankan players in Pakistan a couple of years back.

Not very long ago, I remember there were bomb blasts happening every other week, in different parts of India. I think Australia or New Zealand refused to come to India for a cricket series during that time. And Indian newspapers blasted them saying they're chickening out. How irrational was that! If we risk our lives everyday, why do we've to expect others to risk their lives too? If we are fools, why do we've to expect others to be fools too? When last did India play a game in Pakistan? So, aren't we chickens too?

Maybe a good moment to relate this with our growth process. I still remember when our home minister rubbished away the rationale behind the US travel advisory to Americans in India post the Taj-attack, when he said "India is a completely safe country, safer than many other countries in the world". Didn't India issue a travel advisory to Indians in Egypt? Aren't we evacuating our people from Libya right now? Don't we make fun of the security situation in Pakistan? Come on, if we're bad at something, let us accept it, only then can we grow. By desperately resisting and defending, we're only losing an opportunity to grow. And by ridiculing, we're only becoming worse.

As I'm saying this, I'm thinking for myself, occasions in my life when I've desperately resisted or defended, or ridiculed. But I'll save myself for some self-blasting till some other time. Impatience, Greed, Wrath! And we call ourselves humans? Revenge, War, Blood! And we call ourselves civilized?

The trip is about to be over, the journey will continue

Management, as cliched as it can get, is we all know, both an art and a science. The truth about such things, that are both art and science, is that how much ever scientific you get, you can never substitute an artistic skill. But then science will give you the analytical toolkit that will help you sail through uncertain situations easier than if you believed just in art. An MBA will surely get you one such toolkit, not just for career, even for life. But then I can't vouch for this right now. I don't know if I can vouch for this ever, because life is a complex piece of heavily interrelated connections, that you can't really pin-point the cause-effect relationships so clearly.

The last one year was surely exhausting, but never did I've to think if it was all worth, because one, such questions are exclusively patented by the travails of the construct called marriage, and two, the learning more than compensated for any reason that could've made me feel so. It might not be the most politically correct statement to say that this was easily the best way I could've spent this one year, but I think that's almost true.

Every good thing comes to an end and so does every bad thing too. Whatever it is, it's all about to be over. Or is it? With every ending comes a new beginning, isn't it? Before I can find the answer to whether management is an art or a science, I need to find out if life is an art or a science.

The trip is about to be over, but the journey will continue.

Leap of faith

There used to be a time when I believed there was only one "good" and one "right" thing. Blame it on ourselves, blame it on our books, blame it on our society, or maybe there's no one to blame here, but that is where most of us begin.

However, over the years I started to realize that there could probably be one "right" thing, but there are surely many "good" things, for good to me could be bad to you. I had indications that one fine day, I will also accept the fact that there is probably no such truth as the one "right" thing either. And that is happening. I've started to accept that right in one context need not be right in another, and the analysis of the context is subjective. I've almost started believing that anything did with an intention that "perceivably" creates better harmony is good and is right. But perceiving better harmony is not really easy. You have to weigh all that you can, and if you can't, there are always "rules" and "guidelines" our ancestors have created to help us out.

I'm happy that I've been capturing this transition of mine in this blog. Rationality-Emotionality, Detachment-Attachment, Good-Bad, Right-Wrong - I have dissected all that I could and am very much looking forward to more dissections. Thanks to all of you for all the torture you bore from me all these years, I might spare you a little going forward because I'm just about to get caught in a vicious cycle of attachment and achievement.

If you protest against gravity, you can probably be the best pole-vaulter, but you've to come down eventually to accept the realities of nature. When you do come down, you realize that the world is in fact more beautiful from the ground than it was from the top. Or maybe it's not, I don't know. After a long protest with myself about why I should get married, I finally decided to give up. Now life seems more beautiful than it was before. Or maybe it's not, I again don't know. There are only a few things that we can control, for everything else, there is destiny.

It is not difficult to guess, yes, this is an announcement. She is doing her masters in surgery, and I asked her one day, "Do you know there is a life where you can use the knife and cut, but nobody's life is at stake?" She exclaimed "Oh wow!" and I continued, "That will happen if we get married, I will make sure you don't come out of the kitchen. Are you game?" I'm not sure if she got my poor joke, but poor girl, God save her! Fine, let me talk seriously.

Between the devil of marriage and the deep blue sea of life, we've chosen the devil and together we've decided to cross the deep blue sea. Was that serious enough? I don't think so. Sorry, I guess I've lost the seriousness in life.

To invoke the blessings of Lord Destiny and to seek all your wishes, we're getting wedded later this year. It's a long time still, but our contributions to the $25 billion Indian wedding industry have already begun. Leap of faith they call, and we've decided to take the leap, just as everyone else decides to. Where is this leap going to take us? Well, time will tell. But right now, it's celebration time, why think about dirty philosophies!

Glad till the dancing stops, and the lilt of the music ends.
Laugh till the game is played; and be you merry, my friends.
(John Masefield)

An idle Sunday and a devil's workshop

I wanted to create a real video something similar to this, with maybe Agam doing the music, but all I can do right now is a PowerPoint slideshow. Will do something better some other time.

Thanks to all those who clicked these pictures and to Manickam Yogeswaran for the sound track.

Is good parenting the need of the century?

I recently read an article “Teaching Kids Patience”. "Today, parents cannot digest the idea of making their child wait for anything from a chocolate to a car. Most parents do not understand the psychological principle of delayed gratification because they themselves are a generation of impatient people. But impatience can cost you money, relations, pain and suffering. The best way to teach your children patience is to set an example and be patient in your own actions."

In another article on "Good parenting can stop teenagers from drinking", I read "Don't be too strict or too affectionate towards your children as it could double their chances of going wayward. Parents need to realize you need to have both accountability and support in your relationship with your kid. Make sure that it's not just about controlling their behaviour - you need to combine knowing how they spend their time away from home with a warm, loving relationship."

In another article I read about why Asian kids are stronger in maths than their American counterparts. It has been found in research that till they are around the age of 10, both the Asian and American kids are at par in their mathematical abilities. But it falls for American kids on an average after that. This is because when the American kid performs bad in maths, the parents tell him "That's ok, maybe you're not an engineer. You might be good at something else", but the Asian parents tell the kid "If you are willing to work hard, nothing is impossible".

In a speech by Dipak Jain, the former dean of Kellogg, I heard him say - "The biggest advantage of Asia, especially India and China is the parenting. It is very rare in other parts of the world to see a parent wake up at five in the morning, make coffee for the child and put him to study. Even when there is no money for the next meal, parents in these countries take pride in sending their children to school."

The world is changing, as it always does. There are so many great facets of the Western culture that I admire. It was when I went to the US that I understood what it means to follow one's heart. But I think it is so important to strike the balance. While we absorb all the good things, it's important to not give up what we're originally good at. This holds for many of us who treat life like a business too, because that's what we're taught in business schools anyway.

Is parenting mankind's core competency? If yes, let us continue to carry forward the parenthood we'd been blessed with.

What is your generation?

There are different generations of people we encounter and just as how many of us do, I too spend time analyzing the differences among generations - grandparents, parents, friends, and nephews and nieces. Today as I was watching some movie song in the cafeteria during dinner, I started attaching people to the different generations of songs. Most of what I've watched are Indian, so I started correlating generations of people with those of Indian movie songs.

I thought I'll classify Indian movies with regards to how the songs are shot. This is not a strict classification, because every movie or generation of movies has a mix of all of these, but if there was only one way to classify movies based on how the songs are shot, I would classify them this way.

The earliest generation was when most part of the movie was just songs. People didn't talk, they conversed in songs. Yes, this was the generation of my grandparents.
Wow, people had so much patience to just sit and watch all this!

The second generation of movies had songs where the hero and the heroine kept walking, now and then trotting or making some pleasant dance moves. Surely this was the generation of my parents.
"Well, the sitting people have started walking."

The third generation of movies had songs where you had no clue where the hero and heroine were running to, dancing all the way, but they kept dancing and running. Ah, this was my generation.
"Finally people have started running. Sometimes they had groups behind running and dancing too."

The latest generation of movies have songs that can wake you up in the middle of the night. They have the fast rhythm and impatient dance steps. Right, this belongs to my nephews and nieces.
"If you keep running, is this where you will end up?"

I don't have the time right now to analyze what I wanted to get at with all this, maybe I'll do it some other day.

Some things I had noted down long back

I wanted to write different posts on each of these, but I'm not sure if I'll find the time for it soon enough. So, let me at least note them down here. These are based on articles that I've read from different sources at different points in time. I didn't care to store the sources, so please excuse.

A) I've read about friendship and relationships at many places, but this one was different. This was not something unknown but it was very blatant and I liked it. You're not a great friend:

1. If you're friends with others only to use them
2. If you manipulate friends for your own benefit
3. If you spin stories to save your face
4. If you messed a relationship between two friends
5. If you complain about all your friends to every other friend

B) There are different degrees of selfishness. While with one logic you can classify any selfishness as selflessness, you can apply a counter-logic and classify any selflessness as selfishness:

1. I order: You can do anything for yourself
2. II order: You can do anything for your family
3. III order: You can do anything for your friends
4. IV order: You can do anything for anyone
   

C) There are different degrees of self-sufficiency. I don't know which one is better, but I feel the last one is the most difficult, because that's the self-sufficiency that comes out of an informed attempt to analyze both having and not having something, while you very well know what each of those mean:

1. Natural self-sufficiency: When you've sufficiently indulged in something, you get a natural feeling of cloyingness and then you no longer depend on that. That's a naturally stable state.
2. Artificial self-sufficiency: When you're self-restraining from the start, you've never indulged, but you're not sure how you'd handle given a chance to indulge. That's a metastable state.
3. Voluntary self-sufficiency: When you deliberately give up something after you very well know what it means to indulge, you reach a nobly stable state.

There is nothing I want to conclude nor are these related, I just felt like storing them, so I did.

Sometimes ...

Sometimes, peace is the most belligerent form of war
Sometimes, silence is the most powerful form of speech
Sometimes, modesty is the most appealing form of presentation
Sometimes, simplicity is the most sophisticated form of expression
Sometimes, love is the mightiest form of retaliation
Sometimes, renunciation is the purest form of love
Sometimes, being yourself is the greatest form of you

All my ISB courses

Some had asked me for courses that ISB offers. It is available on this link, but let me also store here the courses I did, just so I can answer later when someone asks me "What the heck did you study at ISB?". The first four are core terms and the last four are elective terms.

Term 1
.... Statistical Methods for Management Decisions
.... Financial Accounting in Decision Making
.... Marketing Management
.... Managerial Economics

Term 2
.... Competitive Strategy
.... Decision Models and Optimization
.... Global Economics
.... Marketing Decision Making

Term 3
.... Entrepreneurship
.... Operations Management
.... Managerial Accounting and Decision Making
.... Corporate Finance

Term 4
.... Management of Organizations
.... Government, Society and Business
.... Investment Analysis
.... Strategic Analysis of Information Technology

I am trying to complete a double specialization in Strategy and Marketing. I hope I am able to, maybe I might just end up with one if I don't have the energy to do enough courses in term 8. The ones in [brackets] are those that I just attended without taking them.

Term 5
.... Pricing
.... Entrepreneurial Decision Making
.... Corporate Development, Mergers & Acquisitions
.... Business-Business Marketing
.... [International Finance]

Term 6
.... Power and Politics
.... Marketing Services
.... International Marketing
.... Negotiation Analysis
.... Managing Teams
.... [Financial Statements Analysis]

Term 7 (kept a little light for placements)
.... Technology Strategy Consulting
.... Strategic Challenges for Innovation based Start-ups
.... Economics of Strategy

Term 8
.... Consumer Behaviour
.... Rural Marketing
.... Indian Financial System
.... Project Management

I don't think I could have found any other better way to learn so much in one year. I am sure any MBA program around the world is equally wonderful, if not better. For that matter I think any kind of education is going to teach us wonderful things. But wait, isn't life itself a wonderful teacher? Ok, let me stop philosophies and get back to talking about ISB. The prominent disadvantage of ISB compared to other top B-schools of the world is that other than the exchange students, there is only a handful of students with no Indian origin. But one distinct advantage is that most of the professors here are visiting, so the world's best faculty teaches at ISB.

Just give up life before you come for an MBA and I assure you there will be sufficient compensation. But before that, prepare for three months and take the GMAT :-)

Some interesting quotes from class

Statistics: "When you've to prove something, assume the opposite and look for reasons to disprove it, rather than assuming the hypothesis and looking for the first opportunity to prove it." True, else we are just going to fall trap to confirmation bias. That was during a class on null hypothesis test.

Corporate Finance: "Assets are classified into two types, based on their relationships with the market. High beta assets are like bad friends, they rise with the market and fall with the market. Low beta assets are like good friends, they rise when the market falls. They are the ones that will save you during bad times".

Management of Organizations: "When a frog is thrown into boiling water, it leaps out immediately. But if you put the frog in water and boil it slowly, the frog dies. It's because the frog incrementally thinks the temperature is fine, until at some point, it gets killed. In a mouse experiment with water, the mouse is thrown into water, but is pressed inside whenever it tries to come out. After repeated such trials, when the mouse is thrown into water, it sinks even when you don't press it down, because it no longer tries."

Corporate Development: "It is good to be smart, but don't think you can substitute hard work with smartness. Smartness can probably take you to the top, but won't keep you there. If you think you're smart, I can find ten guys smarter than you're. But if you tell me you are hardworking, I might not be able to find someone more hardworking than you're."

Pricing: "When you find your first job, keep your last job in mind. Get into the job that will take you to where and how you want to retire." It was a reverse application of game theory.

Power and Politics: "Facebook has kindled narcissist instincts in people. Within our networks, we have started believing that we're celebrities and have started updating with statuses like 'I've bought a puppy'. Such is the power of networks. Build your network and gain power".

Managing teams: "Most leaders are extroverts by nature. But during an experiment, it was observed that extrovert males tried to show leadership skills only when there was a girl in the group, not otherwise. And many researches later have also found to prove the same." Guys never change, do we?

Negotiation Analysis: "If you want to convince a guy, send a girl and vice versa for a girl. However there is a difference. In the former case, if the girl just taps the shoulder of the guy, the guy is almost convinced but the same is not proved so far for the latter case." We cheap guys!

Economics of Strategy: What may appear irrational behaviour is often quite rational to the other person who may simply have a different belief system. Consider yourself to have failed if you assume others are irrational.

The ironies of appreciation

A great photo is the one that looks like a painting.

A great painting is the one that looks like a photo.

The list can go on. A great voice is the one that sings like an instrument, effortlessly and impeccably leaping between notes. A great instrumentalist is the one who plays like real voice, that you feel like hearing someone sing. A great father is the one with motherly warmth, a great mother is the one with fatherly protectiveness. A great friend is the one that treats you like family, a great family relation is the one that treats you like friend. A great leader is the one that understands labour, a great labour is the one that understands leadership.

Why did I write this now? I don't know, will come back to this when I know.

A sorry and a thanks we owe them

I woke up to some vedic chanting in a distant temple this morning. I'd forgotten to keep my alarm, but this was such a pleasant one! I sat to study but my concentration was slowly drifting towards them. I was thinking about one of the greatest classes of people this country has ever produced – the Brahmins.

Clear eyes, serene features, peaceful face - you can mostly spot them from a distance. Go to the US and people will tell "You vegetarians from India are really smart people". A Tambrahm is a popular term even there. You can't stop admiring Brahmins for their shrewdness. This country owes a major pie of its knowledge to them, for they were always the knowledge powerhouse of the Indian society. But their contribution is often undermined, for they're not the majority. Nor do they enjoy any kind of good will from the rest of the nation, for humans don't like someone else to remain at the top all the time.

They've struggled hard to reach here. They still keep struggling hard, unfortunately they don't often get what they truly deserve. They live in a country that is scrambling to achieve comprehensive inclusive growth and thence are forcefully discriminated for the so-called welfare of this society. Discrimination though, has been a necessary evil since time immemorial. Regrettably, it's an eye for an eye now! Remorsefully, the wrong eye! Still, just look around, you'll find them holding lead positions in government organizations, private companies, educational institutions and wherever little our discriminatory reward system has allowed them to enter into. We surely owe them the deepest sorry for what we're doing to them right now and an even deeper thanks for all that they've done for us so far.

I hope that one day the children of the brahmin family and the children of the tribe family can hold hands together like brothers and sisters, and step in to shaping India's future, spreading shock waves around the world.

All we moralists

It was during one of our Macroeconomics classes that the professor remarked, "If you keep aside the interest payment trend that Bush senior adopted, Clinton did a remarkable job. That's why you see all these lines go up in the graph during his period as President. You can't blame him for the past sins committed by others. Of course, he committed a different set of sins". And then the class erupted out in wild laughter. It's perfectly fine to crack a joke like this and it's also fine for everyone to have a good laugh at it. I laughed too. But I didn't like the ridicule filled in the laughter that I saw around. How I wish I was able to do this!

"Sir, if you may permit I would like to take one minute of the air time and talk to the class".
"Sure".
"On a scale of 100, let us subtract 50 points for Clinton for his sin. So, his chastity score is 50. Is that fine with everyone?"

Everyone agrees.

"Now each of you take a piece of paper and write 100 at the top. That's your score. If you've ever gazed at a girl on the road amorously, deduct 10 points. If you've ever dashed into an unknown girl with immoral instincts, subtract 15 points. If you've ever watched porn, take off 20 more points. If you ever fantasized a girl in your imaginations, subtract 25 points. If you had a girlfriend and indulged with her before marriage, subtract 30 points. If you've ever been intimate with any other girl other than your wife, subtract the same 50 points. Anyone who has scored above 50 can laugh now."

The class goes into utter silence.

I was not able to do this in class, but I've a place to tell all that I can't tell elsewhere - my blog!

Stay away from yourself, Stop living

1. Relations are material quantifications to an invaluable feeling called love. Stay away from relations.
2. Family is the first boundary that upholds such quantifications. Stay away from such fragmentation.
3. Marriage is an invention to fortify that boundary. Stay away from marriage.
4. Stay away from cruel people who can't equally love all the people in this world.
5. Stay away from vicious people who don't do unto others as they want others do unto themselves.
6. Stay away from spineless people who assume what they do is right because the majority does so.
7. Stay away from biased people who believe there's only one right thing.
8. Stay away from selfish people who are not bothered about the consequence for others.
9. You're the worst person you've ever seen in this world, stay away from yourself. Stop living.

I just realized that I am cruel, vicious, spineless, biased and selfish and that I uphold all kinds of materialistic boundaries and fragments. Darnit!

Hope marriage doesn't make me stupid!

I have a long list of things to preach myself on marriage and its associated nuances. Before my parents tell me some day, "Next week is your marriage, you better get married now" (sob sob!), I need to start my self-preachings. Let me follow my usual strategy of preaching what I think I will find difficult to practice, so I can blackmail myself when I don't follow later. First on the list is what I like to call as "emotional bias".

A friend once told me:
"Though we haven't met each other, I know I'll not be in his good books. His girlfriend doesn't like me. You will mostly not be in the good books of someone, if you're not in good terms with his girl. Same the other way too".

A few days back, I was hearing from some other friend of mine:
"I think it was just a few months after marriage. I remember when I called her cousin and shouted at him badly for making my wife cry for something. How stupid of me! Later I got to know that it was actually my wife's mistake. Even otherwise, it was stupid. I felt really embarrassed. But her family is so cool. Her cousin just laughed it off later."

I'm able to guess that such feelings shouldn't be very uncommon. I remember, as a child, I used to blindly presume that whoever makes my mom sad is bad, and whoever doesn't is good. Forget about those who make my mom cry, they will immediately become my villains. They call it the "confirmation bias", a bias that favours one's own preconceptions. I thought people will grow beyond such biases over time. But if you ask my strategy professor, he'll say it only worsens as people grow old. Why ask my strategy prof? Ask me, I know I've only grown worse with all those biases. Forget the confirmation bias, shouldn't we at least grow beyond such "emotional bias"?

So what if my wife cries because she fought with her cousin? Of course, I will give her the moral support and if I can I will try to pacify both of them and help them make peace with each other. But I don't want to make the foolish mistake of falling into the trap of this emotional bias. I'm sure I'll make her cry more number of times than she ever cried all her childhood. Probably her cousin should call me everyday and scold me.

Hope marriage doesn't make me stupid!

Some thoughts that have long been in my queue

I have been wanting to write about some of these thoughts below. But I've been postponing them ever since I landed here in ISB. At least let me jot them down now, so I can expand on them some day (?).











1. It is so easy for people below to criticize those at the top. I've seen this happen in school, I've heard this in office and I keep witnessing this everywhere. "If I study as much as he does, I'll also score equally, what's the big deal?", "Come on, he doesn't deserve to be promoted, what has he done?", "I wonder how he became the manager. I can do a better job than what he does". Saying these for fun or out of frustration is fine, but when people mean it seriously, I get reminded of myself a few years back. I used to feel the same way too. But I would tell myself - "Who stops you? Go, become. They're there because they've done something to win the choice of those who're supposed to make that choice. Yes, sometimes there are undeserving rewards, but that's life. I'm sure you've not got everything in your life only because you deserved every bit of it. Are you sure if you reach that position there will not be anyone talking the same way about you?"

2. This is a little silly, but it taught me something. I have seen some people reply to every mail, every missed call and every message, and I've also seen people who don't reply unless you call them and prod them, both in the professional and personal life. Looking at people who don't reply, I thought it was a cool thing to do until I got a manager who sincerely replied to every mail he received, even if it meant just sending a ":-)". Some day during a conversation, someone said "I'm not sure if he read my e-mail", for which people around starting replying "Oh, don't worry, he is such a sweet person. He would've replied had he seen it", "Oh yes, he would at least send an ok, if he has seen your e-mail". And he was one of the most respected senior managers in my office. Yes, respect is not about one thing, it's about every small thing.

3. Over the last few years I've spent sufficient amount of time thinking about relationships. I've talked so much with people, and I've been through a few hiccups myself. But almost every person I've talked with, who has lost a good friendship or love has without exception told "Your heads will hit only when you come close, not when you stay far. If they don't hit, you might have to perhaps evaluate if you really got that close. How I wish we could get back to our old days!" But if everyone feels the same way, why are most broken relationships not repaired?

Let us take a married couple - they fight with each other more than they've ever fought with all others all their lives. Still they go on. Maybe is it then out of compulsion? Partly yes, but mostly I would say no. It is the deep emotional bond that brings them back on track every time. Why is this not always the case when it comes to people beyond our homes? No offense meant to all those who go all out reviving a lost relation or who have genuine reasons not to do so. But I don't think that's the case in general. I know a friend who had sent at least some 50 mails to her old friend, not to get even one reply. No one can be right all the time - not me, not you, not anyone. So, why not just forgive or forget, who knows, the mistake was probably yours.

4. I feel human growth process is cyclic. If you're perfect in something, the only way to improve is to go beyond your perfection limits and try something new. In the process, you might fall a little below your original perfection levels, but I'm sure you'll only become more perfect when you come out of that learning loop. If such is the case for an original perfection, I don't think we should shrug when we fall from an original imperfection. It mostly means we're on the path towards perfection. I can give my own example. I was that passive boy in school who no one would've seen get angry. Even today, not many would agree that I can get angry. But I know I'm not how I used to be in school. I started feeling frustrated and getting angry looking at many imperfections in this world as I grew. But only when I grew enough that I realized I'm not perfect myself. That's when I learnt the art of controlling my anger. Of course, I've not mastered it, but I surely know something more than what I knew earlier.

A long pending list of things to write is off my queue now. As always, these are my personal views and I'm still thinking about these. I might probably write a post a few years later totally contradicting what I've written here ... after all my growth is cyclic too.

It's not just you

It's 3:00 am on a Sunday and I'm working. I used to feel frustrated when I've to stay up late during college days, but not any longer. One obvious reason is that I've realized it is me who has voluntarily chosen this life, so there's absolutely no point feeling frustrated about it.

But there's a second subtle reason behind my lack of frustration. While I was traveling in a taxi once, I learnt from the driver that most of the cab services in India operate drivers in a full-day shift. They got to stay awake for 24 hours and then they can take off for the next 24 hours, but the latter is not guaranteed. I was talking to a couple of doctors, now students at ISB, and was totally surprised to know that they have regular 36-hour shifts and worse, they can get woken up anytime.

I was chatting with a few working couples and their plights seem to be even worse. Most of them sleep post midnight and wake up by six, almost everyday. Forget about those with children. I was talking to a senior executive in a company and he was telling me how he has a tough time keeping his people at home and his over-demanding boss happy at the same time. So, people at the top are not any better off either.

These are just simple examples of the manifold inclemencies of life. Life is a roller coaster and you can survive only if you enjoy every moment - every up and every down, every struggle and every success, every boon and every bane - unless you want to admit you lack the will and get out of it. No pain, no gain. If you're wondering "Why me?", be assured that it's not just you!

Be good at what you're good at

Another cricket article - you don't have to know cricket, you don't have to know about Yuvraj - but this can motivate you whenever you feel you were let down. I'm not posting this to opine about Yuvraj, but just storing it because I'm sure this will be useful at some point in everyone's life - no one can be at the top all the time after all. Self-pity, anger, emotional support - none of these will take you to where you are supposed to reach. There's no substitute for hard work, no better motivator than passion and no better teacher than introspection.

It takes two to tango

I was having an interesting conversation with someone and she was telling me about why she feels guys are strong in rational intelligence and girls are strong in emotional intelligence. We spoke a little bit about conflicts, we talked about why someone thinks he or she is right in an argument, etc. After we got bored scoring our goals, we decided to score some self-goals. One of her self-goals impressed me. I'm writing it here with her permission.

She said "I can tell you why I keep thinking I'm always right and my husband is always wrong. It's because he mostly doesn't tell me when I'm wrong. For example, before we got married, I once made him wait for very long on a chat. When I pinged him back, he was just cool. But a couple of months later, when he made me wait on a chat, I just blasted him. He just told he was sorry. But it was only after our marriage that I recollected both the incidents and apologized. But had we broken up, not necessarily because of such a small incident, but because of accumulated such small incidents, we would've both lost each other. You know, problems can just blow up in a relation."

This reminded me of something I heard on TV a while ago. A couple seeking separation goes to an elderly man in the town for advice. The man picks up a piece of string and says "I will hold one end, you both pull from the other end. If the string snaps, you both can break up". Evidently surprised, the couple agreed to the experiment. The moment the couple started pulling the string, the man moved towards them. The more they pulled, the more the man moved. The string obviously didn't snap. The lesson was obvious. The couple just thanked the man and went away.

"Never regret anything that once made you smile" - how true! Yes, any relationship, love or friendship, is about two people and I don't think there's anything as the right or wrong thing. Good or bad - both of them will have to take equal responsibilities. There are not many in this world who wish good for us, why shrink that even further? Now, why did I write this? Just to keep reminding myself for the rest of my life that it indeed takes two to tango.

Survival vs Morality

I was reading this article about cricket laws that need changing - http://bit.ly/aRrSNR.

Ban overthrows for direct hits

A pet peeve of Sunil Gavaskar's. Why should a fielder pay for a direct hit, a show of excellence?

Also, rewrite the laws so a batsman can't take an overthrow when the ball ricochets off his bat while he is trying to slide it into the crease. Why appeal to his spirit of sportsmanship and hope he doesn't take the run? As of today, some do, some don't, and it sometimes leads to conflicts among players. Would the batsman who refuses to take the extra run in most situations do the same if he requires that run off the last ball to win a World Cup final?

I saw Tendulkar not walk off by himself when he nicked one to the keeper during the IPL - I know he usually does walk off. For a moment I felt betrayed but I was able to realize that he has to compensate for some of the harsh umpiring decisions that have gone against him too. Either follow your conscience or follow the law - if you follow both, you're overly giving yourself a tough time. Saraswat Brahmins started eating fish after a severe famine hit their region. If they didn't do that, probably there might not be any Saraswat living today. If Saraswats were not wrong, I don't think Tendulkar was wrong either.

I think it's just a reason of survival, and survival is not necessarily about just life and death - there are so many spells between life and death and we need to survive each one of those. Even otherwise I don't think we've any right to talk about someone else when it comes to subjective decision making. On a number of occasions we ourselves don't stand for what we should stand for. We go against our principles to make either ourselves happy or someone else happy. Interestingly, most of the times we successfully manage to convince ourselves that we in fact did the right thing. Many of those could be trivial, but I don't think that's a valid excuse.

If we think someone's bad, maybe we'll find no worse person than ourself? If we think someone's a hypocrite, maybe we'll not find a sorrier hypocrite than ourself? If we think someone's selfish, maybe we'll tag ourself the most selfish? I would think so, because each one of us needs to survive - and no one else knows our own survival instincts more than we do. I think all it requires is just some introspection and some honesty.

I typed till the line above and went back to read it all over again - I think I should just stop here and let each of us continue with our own ways of legitimate survival. I'm sure the legal systems of our consciences are much stricter than any other legal system documented.

An ad we created for a case presentation

This was for one of the presentations we had to do in class for a marketing assignment. We were supposed to come up with, what these people like to call as strategy and I like to call as nonsense, and end it with an ad. We decided to do a video ad. The case is about a niche consumer electronics retail store facing competition from huge discount stores. The store had to uniquely position itself to survive. Whether the store survived or not, we survived through the case.

What next? A quiz tomorrow, three more assignment submissions this week and end-term exams next week. But who cares about all this - I'm just waiting to go to Bangalore to see my girlfriend. Oh wait, she's now officially become my wife - the house warming happened earlier this week. I wasn't able to go, so the wedding happened without me. Friends in Bangalore, please don't mind for not inviting you - I wasn't even there to invite you. It was just a small formality-ceremony.

Girlfriend in Hyderabad, wife in Bangalore - I'm loving it!

Start the music, continue the dance

Some of you had asked me to keep writing about my time in ISB. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do that, but whenever I can squeeze it in, I surely will, as I've done now. I know some of you are MBA aspirants, so I'll keep that in my mind while I write.

First things first, ISB is indeed a great school with almost everything you could expect from a top educational institution - a truly world class curriculum, a strong faculty and state-of-the-art facilities. You've a wi-fi campus, e-enabled course delivery structure, classrooms with tablet PCs, air-conditioned "student villages", huge lawns, the list can go on. The visiting professors in ISB otherwise teach at the top B-schools of the world. The resident faculty is doing good amount of research work, else ISB couldn't have figured in the global FT rankings.

But if you join ISB instead of Kellogg just because FT puts ISB ahead, I would ask you to reassess. You must understand that "India is held back by a financial system that is reluctant to invest in unproven ideas, an education system that emphasizes rote learning over problem solving, and a culture that looks down on failure and unconventional career choices." How much ever globalized it be, a B-school in India is cuffed by these truths. Sure, you're going to meet smart people but you need to set your expectations right, if you're evaluating ISB for yourself.

Let us get back to discussing about the school. When a two-year program is wrung to eleven months, you obviously got to be prepared for a fully packed schedule right from day one. First week is the orientation week when you get all the gyan about what all ISB can do to you and what all you can do to ISB. The O-week as it's called, is the hand off week from the previous batch. Don't be surprised if you get an 11:00 pm meeting invite on a Sunday from the Business & Technology Club.

The second week is the week of pre-terms that covers some of the basic concepts you'll require during the marathon. But from the week after that when your regular courses start, you don't have time to even realize what you've gotten into. There're only two 2-hour classes everyday, but the system ensures that you will not know when it's day and when it's night. There're no classes on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but the system will again ensure that you really don't know when it's a weekday and when it's the weekend.

You've pre-reads for every class. Most profs will assume that you've done the pre-read and will just rush through the content during the class. If you don't follow in the class, you're going to be having a tough time. Because when you come home, you need to prepare for the next day's class. It's almost impossible to catch up during the weekend because you'll have a couple of assignments to submit before Monday 8 am, you might have a case submission, you'll have a quiz in at least one of the classes - and these are just the few possible things.

This goes on for two weeks and you suddenly see Mid-Term exams in your calendar. What? Yes, every term is only for five weeks and there're eight such terms. So there're mid-terms after two weeks and end-terms after five weeks. You'll have to master four courses during this time. There's a 5-day break between terms (including the weekend), but you've a footnote that says workshops, projects and leadership trainings will be scheduled during this time. Wow! Now the big question - how many hours of sleep do you get everyday? Well, I leave that to your imagination. But then amidst all of this, you find one thing that never misses in ISB - fun. You've parties every week, you can see people chilling out in the pool, playing in the recreation centre, going out for dinner.

Life is always about dancing, to different music, isn't it? One such music has begun a few weeks back for the 580 of us and we've all started to enjoy dancing for it.

Where are my wings?

Friends, I have been making a short film with a childhood friend of mine. It started as "Can your band do music for my film?" and then we both worked together for six months on the hundreds of rushes (technical term for video clips of a movie) that were shot in the slums of Bangalore. Most part of the story is inspired by the interactions we have had with, stories we have listened from and the shoveling we have done in the slums. The 18-min film revolves around the life of a rag-picker.

I was first swept off when I saw the effort my friend had put into acting in the film. I was swept off for the second time when I heard the first draft of the song. Meanwhile, I was just happy doing the cut-copy-pastes, so I became the editor.

Direction - Sukiyan, Music - Agam, Editing - Myself. All rights reserved.

In case you're not able to access it, try here.

And dollars to make before I wake

I let the romantic me write this post first. But at the middle of it, I felt "This is not what I really feel". So, I let the unromantic me recompose it. But at the end of this I felt "Can I be happy ever?" If I've to be true to myself, I've to store both.

This is not what I really feel

I had seen her sometime ago, but it was just part of the exploration. When I went there again after a few weeks, late in the evening, I was surprised to see that the street dogs weren't barking at me. Did they already know I belonged to this place? I brought my parents later and they liked her too. But I found the girl too rustic and knew we will surely take a long time to adapt to each other’s ways. So, the discussions about this girl were suspended in thin air.

For three years, my parents kept reminding me about this girl. Meanwhile, the memories of my love also kept haunting me. Destiny as you would call, there were hurdles everywhere. I told my parents “I am still ruminating in the thoughts of my love. But, I'll surely recover, just give me some more time”.

I used this time to not just recover, but also to adapt myself to the girl even as I saw the girl adapt herself to me. I also sought out to some enlightenment from religious books that bolstered my beliefs - “Just because you know someone in this birth, don’t take ownership of or dependency on the person. Do you know how you were related in your previous birth, or how you will be related in your next birth?” I used to disbelieve in all these, but now I’ve stopped to disbelieve in things that I don’t know anything about.

During our courtship period, I started to realize what true love is. I surely had to compromise, but every time I did that, I heard thanks off her lips. She was no less; if I tried hard, she tried harder. Slowly, both of us began to understand what each other wanted. Not just in the bedroom, our love was shimmering all over the house, even in the kitchen.

Can I be happy ever?

A few years back I had a small problem in my leg - from a small pressure while walking to a gentle hobble and then to a visible limp, it aggravated in the span of a few months. For the medical illiterate that I was, I ignored it until I wasn't able to walk even across a street continuously. I finally met a doctor and took a few tests. And then was the great evening that I can never forget. The doctor lambasted me for ignoring the problem for so long and wondered how I managed to walk all these months. He even told me this could be because of the same bacteria that causes tuberculosis. I just smiled and the doctor was surprised. Obviously, he wouldn't know I smile like a fool for everything.

Thankfully, it was just a small lump that had created a swelling inside and it just vanished after I took on to jogging for a month; that's the magic of being young. But between the evening the doctor blasted me and the evening when he actually confirmed that this was not even an infection, I had the most introspective nights of my life. Of what use have I been to this world so far that if at all I have to succumb to destiny's whip, I can rest in some peace. Well, I had not been useful to even my family so far, the world was still far ahead. The best of those introspective nights was when I recollected a chapter in elementary school on "serving the people".

A doctor was the first on that chapter. I thought well, everyone can't be a doctor, but people can at least try to be of some help to those who come to them for problems. An engineer was next on the list. All of us can't be engineers, but we can at least think scientifically when confronted by disastrous human emotions. A teacher was next. Again, not each of us can be a teacher, but we can surely make an unbiased effort to know what is right and what is not. The list went on and ended with a firefighter. But the quest started then and hasn't ended.

That was when I began to appreciate one of Gandhi's famous quotes - "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." But as my memories of limping faded away, my thoughts about people also faded away and I stand before you having taken care of Me, Myself and Naren. One of the greatest testimonials of that is what now stands on the plot I'd bought four years back. “Make your first one million dollars and then think about doing anything different” – as long as I remember these words from whom I consider my mentor, I will continue to showcase even bigger such testimonials in the future. Yes, until I wake, I've dollars to make!

Where art thou?

Tomorrow the parliament is going to vote on women's reservation bill. Where're the patriots who opposed caste-based reservations? Where's the media that tore apart the supporters? Where're the egalitarians who staged protests? Where're the doctors who did not attend to their patients so that they can participate in the strikes? Are they all silent because they know at least the women of their families will get benefited out of this as opposed to no one in the case of caste-based reservations? Or are they just tired having to protest for everything? But I won't agree that the media is tired. Either oppose both or support both.

Can we get more selfish? Can we get more biased? Can we get more hypocritical? If the men of the society didn't create fairgrounds for the women, then the men better be taught a lesson and the women better be given justice. If the upper caste didn't create fairgrounds for the lower caste, then let the same justice prevail there too. It's so hard to practice what we believe, but at least let us make an attempt to talk what we believe. I'm extremely sorry if I'm out of touch with news, but I don't think there's wide-spread protest against women's reservation. I'm equally sorry if I've failed to note the difference between the two reservations.

But I'm happy that people have started to realize what reservation means and have begun to accept to pay for their mistakes.

Please take care

"How about morning at 8:30?"

"I have to drop my kid at school."
"Ok, how about 8:30 in the night?"
"I would just be putting my kid to sleep."
"But later than that will be difficult for you, right?"
"At 10:00? I would just have finished dinner and cleaned vessels."
"But why do you've to attend. I'll take care. You just take rest."
"No, I want to dial in."

If someone replies like that when you ask what will be the best time for a call with the US folks, you really don't know what to do. I just felt like writing a post dedicated to all mothers, but I don't think I can do any justice. All of you mothers, please accept my humble token of both appreciation and gratitude.

The egg that created the chicken

I used to wonder how this world became such an interlocked place of extreme dependency. Today, I thought about it again, when I looked at this picture.

If we just have to live alone in a jungle, we would almost not need to depend on anyone. But in an attempt to protect ourselves, we might try to cling. In the process, we might enjoy the feeling of being together. However, when we start thinking about what remains after we're gone, we probably would think of leaving something after us. That is when we would try to bring in more things and people around, including our own children. From here on it doesn't take long to transform our thoughts into creating what we call a society.

But we never realize the intensity of what we just created until we get overwhelmed by it. We slowly start to depend on the various elements that constitute a society. One fine day when we realize "Ah, did we just create a chicken-and-egg problem?", we start questioning ourselves. We try our first line of defense. Without realizing that it was we who created the system, we start listing down its absurdities.

First, we require people to give us things that we wouldn't have otherwise needed in a simpler system. Absurd! Second, we cannot always give back to people whom we take it from. More absurd! Third, from a cooperative mode that we thought our society would behave, we get into an ambitious mode where cooperation is a nice-to-have. Even more absurd! You can continue to grow this list of absurdities and it can get quite complicated.

Surely, the society is a good and a bad creation of mankind that comprises of many dimensions that are built upon some of the weirdest chicken-and-egg problems, of which dependency is just one dimension. As you keep thinking along these lines, you traverse through thoughts about selfishness and about usefulness. And then you go back many years and try to dig out the purpose of your birth. Now you get stumped.

You don't know how to begin because the start is the universe. You attempt to reverse-engineer and try to find out how it could end. Even that doesn't help because the end is also the universe. Does the sum of all our lives add up to zero or to eternity? Now you're confused whether the system is absurd or you're absurd. That's when you most probably try to give up, because your eyes are already closing, asking for sleep. You need to address more dependency concerns of either yours or of others, the next day.

Are we faithful?

What has changed in this one month for the tiger? Well, the world knows something that it didn't know last month. And what is it? That the tiger was unfaithful. Isn't that his personal matter and not something that you and I should be commenting at? I don't think our respect for the tiger should enfeeble unless we come to know that he cheated to become the tiger. Thinking laterally, what has he done that none of us has?

If having a crush on someone during high school and loving someone else later is infidelity, I'm sorry, blame 80% of the men. If having loved someone and marrying someone else is infidelity, blame 60% of the women. If having married someone and remarrying someone else when the partner leaves is infidelity, blame social reformists like Raja Ram Mohan Roy. But if you're blaming someone because he did not follow the rule that biased people created for their own benefits, I'm sorry, I beg to differ - all of us have just escaped because there's no rule against similar acts that we otherwise keep doing.

If as a child, you think your love for your parents doesn't reduce after you get married; if as a spouse, you feel your love for your partner doesn't reduce after you become a parent; if as a worshipper, you think God's love doesn't reduce because he gives you failures; as a rational interpreter, I should only think that someone's love doesn't reduce because he loves someone else too. I agree, that might not be the case every time, but if there's anything, it's up to the concerned people to clarify it between themselves and not for anyone outside to evaluate. We should just stop ridiculing and ask ourselves - Are we faithful? If our answer is yes, I think we're mostly lying.

Disclaimer: I am not against the concept of marriage. I don't believe you should love someone more than you love your spouse. I am not saying people should follow whatever their mind says. But according to me, infidelity is to tell someone "I love you" when you actually don't. And nothing else. I am surely not a supporter of adultery, but to me this is like how Sanyasa disapproves Grihasta; it does not mean Grihasta is sinful. Scholars please excuse me for my ignorance. You're welcome to disagree, after all that is what this post is all about - tolerance to different faiths.

Ena Meena Rana

Ena: Have you lifted your self-ban on going for a movie yet? I'm getting bored. I know you prefer to sit and chat for 3 hours than watch a movie, but just checking.
Rana: Yes, you're right. 12 hours every day go in taking care of my own chores, including sleeping. 9 hours go in office working for someone else. Weekends go in catching up. So, I've only 3 hours a day for anything else I would like to do, and fun is the last thing that comes to my mind now.
Ena: Ya, you've even told me there's no time to spend on unstable emotions that don't have any meaning the next day.
Rana: Considering all those 3 hours that I've spilled so far in my life, I think I can't afford to spill them right now.
Ena: I'm sure I was responsible for most of those wasted hours.
Rana: I don't think so, and those're not wasted hours either. You can surely find a use out of anything you do. And breaking monotony is healthy too. Just that I don't need a break right now.
Ena: I think I too don't need one now. Fine, we'll go for a movie some other day then.
Rana: Sure, who else can understand me more than you do? I know life's too short not to enjoy every moment. I'll surely lift all my self-bans some day. Hope you don't take it personally till then.
Ena: Oh no. I know you won't support your people just because they're your people. But I also know that you'll stand by them whatever happens. How can I forget what you told me about reservations.
Rana: Yes, I support reservations because I know that my people oppressed a few others and it's time for the oppressed to win the lawsuit against my people, just as how, for example, AMD won against Intel. "You win, I'm happy. But if you snub me, I'll sue you".
Ena: Yes, I too thought about it. But don't you think someone was oppressed then, and someone else is enjoying now. Where is the justice here?
Rana: When the murderer gets punished, is the victim enjoying the justice?
Ena: We want to warn the rest of the people against such crimes.
Rana: Why do you think it's different in the case of reservations?
Ena: Here the culprit is not punished, but his progeny is.
Rana: The son has to pay his father's debt. He can't just enjoy and then escape.
Ena: But don't you think reservations are being abused? Many of those benefited don't really deserve, and many of those penalized are the ones who actually need.
Rana: That's the unfortunate part. I wish reservations were adaptive enough.
Ena: I would just say my ancestors were intelligent enough to exploit a few others, you can't blame them for using their brains.
Rana: Exactly! Now the exploited are using their brains. Unfortunately, an eye for an eye! Well, the honest answer to your question is "Yes, I hate reservations. But I'm rationally forced to support it after weighing without bias, all I could".
Ena: Let me wait till you're married. You'll then know why all this logic wouldn't matter any longer.
Rana: Yes, that surely scares me. I definitely don't know how I should handle the dilemma of what to care for - my family's mosquito bite or someone else's snake bite.
Ena: If you don't care for your family, who else will? And what can you really do about someone else's snake bite even if you're not in a family?
Rana: I agree with you. I certainly want to care for people for whom I'm the first. But I also want to care for people for whom I'm not the first. I'm not sure what exactly that means, but it pains me to know that there're many who're not the first to anyone.
Ena: Well, if you're more bothered about others, why don't you give all your money to others?
Rana: No, I'm a capitalist, but a social capitalist. I don't want to beg for food, so I'll earn. I won't get a house for free, so I'll own one. I want to lead a dignified life, so I'll buy clothes. I want to live comfortably, so I'll even spend on luxury. No compromises there. All I want to tell myself is I should be useful to this world. I know with all this nonsense I'll end up hurting or at least disappointing people who matter to me, but I can only hope they don't mind.
Ena: Don't worry, even if they mind, they will one day understand what you're saying and realize what you're doing. Not all those with a heart can love, not all those who love can keep expectations low, not all those who keep expectations low can think for others, and not all those who think for others can sacrifice love for the sake of love itself.
Rana: You got it! I want to reach a stage where I'm 100% happy. I think if you're 100% good and can love 100%, you're 100% peaceful. If you keep wondering what good is, you cannot love. And if you can't love, you can't be peaceful. Happiness is always about that inner peace. Unfortunately, I'm right at the bottom still figuring out what 100% good is. Imagine a life with no disappointment, no insecurity, no anger, no selfishness, no bias, no dishonesty, no immaturity.
Ena: Why do you've to live then? That's like being a stone.
Rana: I don't mind being a stone, but I want to be a good stone that treats everyone equally and is peaceful and happy.
Ena: So you agreed you're a stone. Don't you think I've this uncanny knack of making you feel guilty every time? But I know I need to start thinking beyond myself.
Rana: I too need to, and that's needed especially in a relation. You need to ensure that the other person is living a better life with you, than without you. Not the other way around. Allow him to do what he wants to and help him achieve what he wants to. If you can't be a ramp, at least don't be a hurdle. If you can't be a symbiont, at least don't be a parasite. The easier thing to do when you know something is to preach. It's much more difficult to practice. I'm right now doing the easier thing.
Ena: Why am I here for? I'll help you practice what you want to. You've done so much for me.
Rana: Yes, but you be yourself. This world survives not because of people like me, but because of people like you. I can build a house, but only you can make a home out of it, the home that unconditionally loves me and gives me the freedom to do whatever I want to.

And today's fight ended between Emotional Naren who wants to make everyone around him happy, and Rational Naren who thinks he was born for a bigger purpose. But I'm sure something else will come up tomorrow, for them to fight again.