The complexes that won't die

I'm not a psychologist to talk about human complexes, but I want to store here what I've understood so far about one such pair - inferiority and superiority complexes. Because I don't have a formal education in these, I will just call them mediocrity and meliority complexes. Meliority may not be the right word to use, but it sounds rhyming, so I will just continue. I'll try to keep this equivocal, because I'm still finding it ambiguous myself, as is true with most of the topics that I write here anyway.

A villager looking at the city life can get two kinds of feelings, either a 'wow' or a 'yikes', that can keep internally transitioning, in different magnitudes. Somewhere during one of those transitions, he might convince himself with a "No, this is not for me" feeling, and when posted with arguments from the other side, he could get defensive. On the other hand, a person from the city could have an opposite feeling during one his transitions between 'wow' and 'yikes' about village life. He slowly starts to convince himself saying "My God, I can't live here", and when posted with an argument from the other side, he could get snobbish.

While the apparently mediocre person in the first example, during his defensive conduct could appear to be having a meliority complex and while the apparently meliorative person in the second example, during his snobbish conduct could appear to be having a mediocrity complex, those might not be the right interpretations. Combine these with human emotions and cursory feelings, you have an intriguing case study to analyze. As long as mediocrity brings in strength and meliority brings in humility, we're in control of our emotions. But the moment it swings the other way, we're inviting trouble, not just for ourselves, but for people around us too.

Given the fact that we live in a world that is far from ideal, it is difficult for anyone to be devoid of such feelings. When we've a mediocre feeling about something, it's so difficult to get rid of it unless we can substitute the feeling with a sense of achievement over either the same thing or a different thing. And when we've a meliorative feeling about something, it's so difficult to get rid of it unless we become empathetic and believe that we could have very easily been on the other side. Even if nothing of that is possible, I think if we take the pain to listen to others as well as spend some time being introspective, we may be able to put these complexes to rest over time.

Won't complexes die? I don't think so. But you can think!

It is during these moments that ...

Nature always awes us. The night sky looks so beautiful when you just look up lying down on grass, but you're left breathless the moment you start imagining that our own sun is a star and that every other star could be hosting a set of planets too. Maybe there are million other earths? Maybe there are humans in each of them? Maybe they're not humans at all?

I was just watching the videos from Japan and started wondering about nature, again. Houses floated, cars washed away, thousands killed. How good is our house in a storm? How good is our car in water? How good is our life in death? Yes, our prayers are with the Japanese, but I've no clue how prayers help someone in suffering. Maybe they do, I don't know how God operates. Wait, I think I don't even know how I operate.

In a team meeting a couple of years back, as my manager announced the demise of one of my team mates in the US who had died of stroke, he said "It's during these moments that you realize work is just one part of your life. The company will run the same way without you, but your family may not. Spend time with your family. Go, enjoy with your friends. Do things that you always wanted to do." As he was saying this, his eyes started becoming wet. Yes, he was telling this to himself too.

True, it's during these moments that you realize that you're just a small part of something big you never can imagine. It's during these moments that you understand that all the races that we've created for ourselves are so untrue. It's during these moments that you question yourself if you were ever useful to anyone. It's during these moments that you wonder how many people you have made happy. It's during these moments that you start believing that life is for living.

Whose love is it anyway?

India could've been the land of sages and serpents, but the serpents have now transformed into cell phones. On the face of it, India might appear to be the domicile of the poor and the needy, but inside this mysterious place is the thirst and hunger to beat the world and be number one. You step inside and the vibrancy will touch you. This is a nation that is transforming.

But one thing has long stood the tide of transformation, the Indian wedding. Neither has the money spent in nor has the prestige associated with weddings changed for centuries. Statistics say ten years of savings are wiped out during every Indian wedding. And this trickles down all the way to the bottom. Banks say most farmer loan defaults happen because the borrowed money is not spent on agriculture but on weddings instead.

But all of this is not to celebrate the union of two souls that were in love for many years. In fact love in most Indian marriages starts only after the wedding, for the couple had just got introduced to each other a few weeks earlier, through their parents, and couldn't have managed to fall in love yet. If the introduction happened the other way around, well, you'll not find too many like that, but if any, such marriages will not happen without frown from the parents or scorn from the society.

But then, is one kind of marriage progressive and the other, regressive? To answer this question we need to know if one marriage is happier than the other. Again, statistics don't say so. You talk with couples, they don't say so either. Well, then there is no logic in arguing about which one is better. Probably the one that better upholds love, will and hope is better. But whose love are we talking about here? Whose will? Whose hope? Wait, do we even care about these four-letter words anymore? I'm not sure. I hear a few other four-letter words much more often these days.

Whose marriage is it anyway? No, I think the question should be whose love is it anyway!

Humans belong to the most civilized species?

Bangladeshi fans hurl stones at the bus carrying West Indian players who were on their way back to their hotel. That's because Bangladesh were bundled out for 58, possibly the lowest total in Cricket World Cup. Police say the fans mistook it for the bus carrying the Bangladeshi players. Whatever it is, I don't think this demonstrates any kind of civilizational act. I remember Dravid's house in Bangalore being guarded for a few days after India's first round exit in the previous world cup. The terrorists are not far behind either. The cricketing world cannot forget the free shooting attacks on the bus carrying Sri Lankan players in Pakistan a couple of years back.

Not very long ago, I remember there were bomb blasts happening every other week, in different parts of India. I think Australia or New Zealand refused to come to India for a cricket series during that time. And Indian newspapers blasted them saying they're chickening out. How irrational was that! If we risk our lives everyday, why do we've to expect others to risk their lives too? If we are fools, why do we've to expect others to be fools too? When last did India play a game in Pakistan? So, aren't we chickens too?

Maybe a good moment to relate this with our growth process. I still remember when our home minister rubbished away the rationale behind the US travel advisory to Americans in India post the Taj-attack, when he said "India is a completely safe country, safer than many other countries in the world". Didn't India issue a travel advisory to Indians in Egypt? Aren't we evacuating our people from Libya right now? Don't we make fun of the security situation in Pakistan? Come on, if we're bad at something, let us accept it, only then can we grow. By desperately resisting and defending, we're only losing an opportunity to grow. And by ridiculing, we're only becoming worse.

As I'm saying this, I'm thinking for myself, occasions in my life when I've desperately resisted or defended, or ridiculed. But I'll save myself for some self-blasting till some other time. Impatience, Greed, Wrath! And we call ourselves humans? Revenge, War, Blood! And we call ourselves civilized?