What've I done to my country?

I am just storing through this blog a mail that I had sent to a few of my friends sometime back. When I come back and read this blog later, if there is nothing that is done to my conscience, then I've lost both my brain and my heart in the material race. If I feel guilty, then I had lost my brain but not my heart. But if I feel happy, then I didn't lose either of them, probably I had started serving the people.

Hey,

I'm slowly starting to lose my satisfaction at job. I no longer seem to be having the fiery passion for it. Not that the job is any bad or has it become redundant, it is as good as or better than it was ever. But I'm beginning to feel that I'm not doing anything good for the people. I've been experiencing this for the last couple of years, being in the US is only aggravating it, I feel living aloof from the masses and the villages and the poor people. I seem to be enjoying the world around me when so many people do not know how to live the next day. For the first time, I'm beginning to feel if I should've chosen medicine; I could have served the people, those who needed help. I was selfish when I chose to fly to Pilani after having got admitted at the Madras Medical College, I was bothered only about my life, my growth and my prosperity and failed to realize that all these are absolute rubbish when the majority of the world around is lacking every damn thing of it.

I am not sending this mail because you could send me some consoling words, but I'm just trying to find if doing it will make me come out of this because this has been more than just pestering me. Not that I'm not able to concentrate at my work, but I'm fearing if that would happen some day. I'm feeling like selling myself for nothing but money. I want to do something for my country, my land and my men. I know I can still do it, but I don't believe in part-time charity work or percentage donations. And I am starting to wonder if the world will fine tune me one day and make me do only that, if at all I do something. I don't know what I'm saying, but I'm just penning down my pains. Be it starting a school for children or installing computers and internet in the villages or starting a journal to help people get what they deserve or something else, I feel I'm not doing anything of those right now.

Let me see, may be I'll come back, do my MBA while sustaining to barely do some work, then I want to start something, some organization that people will know without doubt that it is for them and only for them. But most probably I'll not do any of those for the wicked self that I'm; I will end up growing myself and my family, and continue to cheat myself that my work is doing good for the betterment of mankind. But then, the day when I get this same feeling again later after all those years, I don't know what I would do.

Nats
Video of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul9Xvjt83eI