I let the romantic me write this post first. But at the middle of it, I felt "This is not what I really feel". So, I let the unromantic me recompose it. But at the end of this I felt "Can I be happy ever?" If I've to be true to myself, I've to store both.
This is not what I really feel
I had seen her sometime ago, but it was just part of the exploration. When I went there again after a few weeks, late in the evening, I was surprised to see that the street dogs weren't barking at me. Did they already know I belonged to this place? I brought my parents later and they liked her too. But I found the girl too rustic and knew we will surely take a long time to adapt to each other’s ways. So, the discussions about this girl were suspended in thin air.
For three years, my parents kept reminding me about this girl. Meanwhile, the memories of my love also kept haunting me. Destiny as you would call, there were hurdles everywhere. I told my parents “I am still ruminating in the thoughts of my love. But, I'll surely recover, just give me some more time”.
I used this time to not just recover, but also to adapt myself to the girl even as I saw the girl adapt herself to me. I also sought out to some enlightenment from religious books that bolstered my beliefs - “Just because you know someone in this birth, don’t take ownership of or dependency on the person. Do you know how you were related in your previous birth, or how you will be related in your next birth?” I used to disbelieve in all these, but now I’ve stopped to disbelieve in things that I don’t know anything about.
During our courtship period, I started to realize what true love is. I surely had to compromise, but every time I did that, I heard thanks off her lips. She was no less; if I tried hard, she tried harder. Slowly, both of us began to understand what each other wanted. Not just in the bedroom, our love was shimmering all over the house, even in the kitchen.
Can I be happy ever?
A few years back I had a small problem in my leg - from a small pressure while walking to a gentle hobble and then to a visible limp, it aggravated in the span of a few months. For the medical illiterate that I was, I ignored it until I wasn't able to walk even across a street continuously. I finally met a doctor and took a few tests. And then was the great evening that I can never forget. The doctor lambasted me for ignoring the problem for so long and wondered how I managed to walk all these months. He even told me this could be because of the same bacteria that causes tuberculosis. I just smiled and the doctor was surprised. Obviously, he wouldn't know I smile like a fool for everything.
Thankfully, it was just a small lump that had created a swelling inside and it just vanished after I took on to jogging for a month; that's the magic of being young. But between the evening the doctor blasted me and the evening when he actually confirmed that this was not even an infection, I had the most introspective nights of my life. Of what use have I been to this world so far that if at all I have to succumb to destiny's whip, I can rest in some peace. Well, I had not been useful to even my family so far, the world was still far ahead. The best of those introspective nights was when I recollected a chapter in elementary school on "serving the people".
A doctor was the first on that chapter. I thought well, everyone can't be a doctor, but people can at least try to be of some help to those who come to them for problems. An engineer was next on the list. All of us can't be engineers, but we can at least think scientifically when confronted by disastrous human emotions. A teacher was next. Again, not each of us can be a teacher, but we can surely make an unbiased effort to know what is right and what is not. The list went on and ended with a firefighter. But the quest started then and hasn't ended.
That was when I began to appreciate one of Gandhi's famous quotes - "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." But as my memories of limping faded away, my thoughts about people also faded away and I stand before you having taken care of Me, Myself and Naren. One of the greatest testimonials of that is what now stands on the plot I'd bought four years back. “Make your first one million dollars and then think about doing anything different” – as long as I remember these words from whom I consider my mentor, I will continue to showcase even bigger such testimonials in the future. Yes, until I wake, I've dollars to make!
This is not what I really feel
I had seen her sometime ago, but it was just part of the exploration. When I went there again after a few weeks, late in the evening, I was surprised to see that the street dogs weren't barking at me. Did they already know I belonged to this place? I brought my parents later and they liked her too. But I found the girl too rustic and knew we will surely take a long time to adapt to each other’s ways. So, the discussions about this girl were suspended in thin air.
For three years, my parents kept reminding me about this girl. Meanwhile, the memories of my love also kept haunting me. Destiny as you would call, there were hurdles everywhere. I told my parents “I am still ruminating in the thoughts of my love. But, I'll surely recover, just give me some more time”.
I used this time to not just recover, but also to adapt myself to the girl even as I saw the girl adapt herself to me. I also sought out to some enlightenment from religious books that bolstered my beliefs - “Just because you know someone in this birth, don’t take ownership of or dependency on the person. Do you know how you were related in your previous birth, or how you will be related in your next birth?” I used to disbelieve in all these, but now I’ve stopped to disbelieve in things that I don’t know anything about.
During our courtship period, I started to realize what true love is. I surely had to compromise, but every time I did that, I heard thanks off her lips. She was no less; if I tried hard, she tried harder. Slowly, both of us began to understand what each other wanted. Not just in the bedroom, our love was shimmering all over the house, even in the kitchen.
Can I be happy ever?
A few years back I had a small problem in my leg - from a small pressure while walking to a gentle hobble and then to a visible limp, it aggravated in the span of a few months. For the medical illiterate that I was, I ignored it until I wasn't able to walk even across a street continuously. I finally met a doctor and took a few tests. And then was the great evening that I can never forget. The doctor lambasted me for ignoring the problem for so long and wondered how I managed to walk all these months. He even told me this could be because of the same bacteria that causes tuberculosis. I just smiled and the doctor was surprised. Obviously, he wouldn't know I smile like a fool for everything.
Thankfully, it was just a small lump that had created a swelling inside and it just vanished after I took on to jogging for a month; that's the magic of being young. But between the evening the doctor blasted me and the evening when he actually confirmed that this was not even an infection, I had the most introspective nights of my life. Of what use have I been to this world so far that if at all I have to succumb to destiny's whip, I can rest in some peace. Well, I had not been useful to even my family so far, the world was still far ahead. The best of those introspective nights was when I recollected a chapter in elementary school on "serving the people".
A doctor was the first on that chapter. I thought well, everyone can't be a doctor, but people can at least try to be of some help to those who come to them for problems. An engineer was next on the list. All of us can't be engineers, but we can at least think scientifically when confronted by disastrous human emotions. A teacher was next. Again, not each of us can be a teacher, but we can surely make an unbiased effort to know what is right and what is not. The list went on and ended with a firefighter. But the quest started then and hasn't ended.
That was when I began to appreciate one of Gandhi's famous quotes - "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." But as my memories of limping faded away, my thoughts about people also faded away and I stand before you having taken care of Me, Myself and Naren. One of the greatest testimonials of that is what now stands on the plot I'd bought four years back. “Make your first one million dollars and then think about doing anything different” – as long as I remember these words from whom I consider my mentor, I will continue to showcase even bigger such testimonials in the future. Yes, until I wake, I've dollars to make!
BTW, the house construction is far from over - there's at least some 3-month work left still. I'm not even able to invite anyone before I leave, for a visit, because there's work happening all around, and you can't get out without soiling your clothes.
ReplyDeleteI wrote this post now because I don't know if I'll find any time in the next one year. If I do fine time, I'll surely continue to blog.
Between u and ur blog, i'm not sure which one i'll miss more, though both r beyond my ken,at times :)
ReplyDeletehaha .. Naren, your land + house already would have an investment of ~ 1 crore I guess ? And in another say 5 years assuming its worth four times its current value, it will be worth 4 crores, in which case you will truly own something worth a million ;-). So, I think your ambition of making a million dollars is already met - you already have it, its just a matter of a short time !
ReplyDeleteGopa.
What you feel that you don't feel... will it ever make you happy ?
ReplyDeleteAnd what you makes you happy, will you feel for that ever ?
I hope you got my question correct else will explain again offline..
Very simple : “People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel”
"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”
God wants all his creations to be happy always, and that is what I believe is the purpose of life on earth.
"People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel" though is not related to this topic, I feel like telling something here.
ReplyDeleteThat's actually a wonderful line. But thinking tangentially, if you continuously keep making someone feel good, surely the person is going to love you, but isn't that an ugly shortcut to win someone's heart? I would rather prefer to be loved for the person that I'm than for how I make someone feel. If you're bad, I will rather tell you're bad than make you feel good by saying "You're the best".
I'm just kidding here. I know the quote was not meant to be misinterpreted like this. I understand the meaning of the quote and I appreciate it. Just that I feel like blasting everyone around these days :)
But just know that if there's someone in your life who's making you feel bad, try to know his/her intentions than straight away come to conclusions based on how he/she makes you feel. The person might be trying to help you grow, out of good will.
I guess you never think straight, always tangentially or other way around.. heheeh .....just kiddin...
ReplyDeleteFirst things first, your thought flow is awesome, and your ability to match your thinking with words is impressive.
ReplyDeleteBut one sincere advice, if you want to do something just do it, Half million or one millions shouldnt be excuse. Just retrospect on this I am sure you would find a way out to do the things which u want much before your bank balance reaching one million.
Whenever we feel we've the opportunity to do what our heart says, we put all that we know into our weighing machine and try to make, as much as we can, an unemotional, unbiased decision. So, I'll also try to do the same, when I've to make that decision. But words like these motivate me, thanks!
ReplyDelete