I recently read an article “Teaching Kids Patience”. "Today, parents cannot digest the idea of making their child wait for anything from a chocolate to a car. Most parents do not understand the psychological principle of delayed gratification because they themselves are a generation of impatient people. But impatience can cost you money, relations, pain and suffering. The best way to teach your children patience is to set an example and be patient in your own actions."In another article on "Good parenting can stop teenagers from drinking", I read "Don't be too strict or too affectionate towards your children as it could double their chances of going wayward. Parents need to realize you need to have both accountability and support in your relationship with your kid. Make sure that it's not just about controlling their behaviour - you need to combine knowing how they spend their time away from home with a warm, loving relationship."
In another article I read about why Asian kids are stronger in maths than their American counterparts. It has been found in research that till they are around the age of 10, both the Asian and American kids are at par in their mathematical abilities. But it falls for American kids on an average after that. This is because when the American kid performs bad in maths, the parents tell him "That's ok, maybe you're not an engineer. You might be good at something else", but the Asian parents tell the kid "If you are willing to work hard, nothing is impossible".
In a speech by Dipak Jain, the former dean of Kellogg, I heard him say - "The biggest advantage of Asia, especially India and China is the parenting. It is very rare in other parts of the world to see a parent wake up at five in the morning, make coffee for the child and put him to study. Even when there is no money for the next meal, parents in these countries take pride in sending their children to school."
The world is changing, as it always does. There are so many great facets of the Western culture that I admire. It was when I went to the US that I understood what it means to follow one's heart. But I think it is so important to strike the balance. While we absorb all the good things, it's important to not give up what we're originally good at. This holds for many of us who treat life like a business too, because that's what we're taught in business schools anyway.
Is parenting mankind's core competency? If yes, let us continue to carry forward the parenthood we'd been blessed with.
I used to sacrifice so much for my daughter till one fine day someone told me, that I am setting her up for guil! - Took a while to realize there is some truth in it.
ReplyDeleteYes, we should undoubtedly carry forward that awesome parenthood we were blessed with (beautifully worded) keeping in mind that we need to give all we received but also honor our own needs a little, not self-sacrifice too much, take care of ourselves well now so we can give them the added bonus of a guilt-free independence when they are 30 and we are 60.
Again, everything seems to be about that balance. As much as independence is important, inter-dependence and mutual appreciation is also important.
Surely needs some effort to understand this ... totally tangential thought! Good one.
ReplyDeleteWhile your post is about the parent being the guide, my comment is about the parents taking care of themselves. This thought is something like asking the self-motivated over-performing over-worked person in the office to please take a vacation and stay healthy. Its not for abuse and its not an excuse to be less perfect at parenting. Every single thing you told in your post is valid and something we should all strive for as parents.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, we spend significant part of our time and life on our children, its so easy to lose ourselves doing that. So, on the way, we also have to take care of ourselves because this happens to be the time of our life when we CAN take care of ourselves. 20 more years and it'll be too late - we'll become dependent on our children because we were lost in self-sacrifice. If we strike the balance, we would have taken a step towards being healthy in body and in spirit in old age. We'll have the satisfaction that we lived our life for oursleves too. When times change and the culture changes, our children may (have to) define their duties towards us differently than how we defined our duties towards our parents. When that happens, we'll not hold grudges and our children also wont have to feel as guilty. Just thought this explanation is needed because it is in fact a very tangential thought and should be interpreted correctly and used with discretion.
Plz take a bow!
ReplyDelete