Are we faithful?

What has changed in this one month for the tiger? Well, the world knows something that it didn't know last month. And what is it? That the tiger was unfaithful. Isn't that his personal matter and not something that you and I should be commenting at? I don't think our respect for the tiger should enfeeble unless we come to know that he cheated to become the tiger. Thinking laterally, what has he done that none of us has?

If having a crush on someone during high school and loving someone else later is infidelity, I'm sorry, blame 80% of the men. If having loved someone and marrying someone else is infidelity, blame 60% of the women. If having married someone and remarrying someone else when the partner leaves is infidelity, blame social reformists like Raja Ram Mohan Roy. But if you're blaming someone because he did not follow the rule that biased people created for their own benefits, I'm sorry, I beg to differ - all of us have just escaped because there's no rule against similar acts that we otherwise keep doing.

If as a child, you think your love for your parents doesn't reduce after you get married; if as a spouse, you feel your love for your partner doesn't reduce after you become a parent; if as a worshipper, you think God's love doesn't reduce because he gives you failures; as a rational interpreter, I should only think that someone's love doesn't reduce because he loves someone else too. I agree, that might not be the case every time, but if there's anything, it's up to the concerned people to clarify it between themselves and not for anyone outside to evaluate. We should just stop ridiculing and ask ourselves - Are we faithful? If our answer is yes, I think we're mostly lying.

Disclaimer: I am not against the concept of marriage. I don't believe you should love someone more than you love your spouse. I am not saying people should follow whatever their mind says. But according to me, infidelity is to tell someone "I love you" when you actually don't. And nothing else. I am surely not a supporter of adultery, but to me this is like how Sanyasa disapproves Grihasta; it does not mean Grihasta is sinful. Scholars please excuse me for my ignorance. You're welcome to disagree, after all that is what this post is all about - tolerance to different faiths.

Ena Meena Rana

Ena: Have you lifted your self-ban on going for a movie yet? I'm getting bored. I know you prefer to sit and chat for 3 hours than watch a movie, but just checking.
Rana: Yes, you're right. 12 hours every day go in taking care of my own chores, including sleeping. 9 hours go in office working for someone else. Weekends go in catching up. So, I've only 3 hours a day for anything else I would like to do, and fun is the last thing that comes to my mind now.
Ena: Ya, you've even told me there's no time to spend on unstable emotions that don't have any meaning the next day.
Rana: Considering all those 3 hours that I've spilled so far in my life, I think I can't afford to spill them right now.
Ena: I'm sure I was responsible for most of those wasted hours.
Rana: I don't think so, and those're not wasted hours either. You can surely find a use out of anything you do. And breaking monotony is healthy too. Just that I don't need a break right now.
Ena: I think I too don't need one now. Fine, we'll go for a movie some other day then.
Rana: Sure, who else can understand me more than you do? I know life's too short not to enjoy every moment. I'll surely lift all my self-bans some day. Hope you don't take it personally till then.
Ena: Oh no. I know you won't support your people just because they're your people. But I also know that you'll stand by them whatever happens. How can I forget what you told me about reservations.
Rana: Yes, I support reservations because I know that my people oppressed a few others and it's time for the oppressed to win the lawsuit against my people, just as how, for example, AMD won against Intel. "You win, I'm happy. But if you snub me, I'll sue you".
Ena: Yes, I too thought about it. But don't you think someone was oppressed then, and someone else is enjoying now. Where is the justice here?
Rana: When the murderer gets punished, is the victim enjoying the justice?
Ena: We want to warn the rest of the people against such crimes.
Rana: Why do you think it's different in the case of reservations?
Ena: Here the culprit is not punished, but his progeny is.
Rana: The son has to pay his father's debt. He can't just enjoy and then escape.
Ena: But don't you think reservations are being abused? Many of those benefited don't really deserve, and many of those penalized are the ones who actually need.
Rana: That's the unfortunate part. I wish reservations were adaptive enough.
Ena: I would just say my ancestors were intelligent enough to exploit a few others, you can't blame them for using their brains.
Rana: Exactly! Now the exploited are using their brains. Unfortunately, an eye for an eye! Well, the honest answer to your question is "Yes, I hate reservations. But I'm rationally forced to support it after weighing without bias, all I could".
Ena: Let me wait till you're married. You'll then know why all this logic wouldn't matter any longer.
Rana: Yes, that surely scares me. I definitely don't know how I should handle the dilemma of what to care for - my family's mosquito bite or someone else's snake bite.
Ena: If you don't care for your family, who else will? And what can you really do about someone else's snake bite even if you're not in a family?
Rana: I agree with you. I certainly want to care for people for whom I'm the first. But I also want to care for people for whom I'm not the first. I'm not sure what exactly that means, but it pains me to know that there're many who're not the first to anyone.
Ena: Well, if you're more bothered about others, why don't you give all your money to others?
Rana: No, I'm a capitalist, but a social capitalist. I don't want to beg for food, so I'll earn. I won't get a house for free, so I'll own one. I want to lead a dignified life, so I'll buy clothes. I want to live comfortably, so I'll even spend on luxury. No compromises there. All I want to tell myself is I should be useful to this world. I know with all this nonsense I'll end up hurting or at least disappointing people who matter to me, but I can only hope they don't mind.
Ena: Don't worry, even if they mind, they will one day understand what you're saying and realize what you're doing. Not all those with a heart can love, not all those who love can keep expectations low, not all those who keep expectations low can think for others, and not all those who think for others can sacrifice love for the sake of love itself.
Rana: You got it! I want to reach a stage where I'm 100% happy. I think if you're 100% good and can love 100%, you're 100% peaceful. If you keep wondering what good is, you cannot love. And if you can't love, you can't be peaceful. Happiness is always about that inner peace. Unfortunately, I'm right at the bottom still figuring out what 100% good is. Imagine a life with no disappointment, no insecurity, no anger, no selfishness, no bias, no dishonesty, no immaturity.
Ena: Why do you've to live then? That's like being a stone.
Rana: I don't mind being a stone, but I want to be a good stone that treats everyone equally and is peaceful and happy.
Ena: So you agreed you're a stone. Don't you think I've this uncanny knack of making you feel guilty every time? But I know I need to start thinking beyond myself.
Rana: I too need to, and that's needed especially in a relation. You need to ensure that the other person is living a better life with you, than without you. Not the other way around. Allow him to do what he wants to and help him achieve what he wants to. If you can't be a ramp, at least don't be a hurdle. If you can't be a symbiont, at least don't be a parasite. The easier thing to do when you know something is to preach. It's much more difficult to practice. I'm right now doing the easier thing.
Ena: Why am I here for? I'll help you practice what you want to. You've done so much for me.
Rana: Yes, but you be yourself. This world survives not because of people like me, but because of people like you. I can build a house, but only you can make a home out of it, the home that unconditionally loves me and gives me the freedom to do whatever I want to.

And today's fight ended between Emotional Naren who wants to make everyone around him happy, and Rational Naren who thinks he was born for a bigger purpose. But I'm sure something else will come up tomorrow, for them to fight again.

Social what?

This blog for me, has become more than what I thought it would be. I store here some of - what I believe so that I am impelled to follow, what I learn so that I don't forget, what I feel right so that I could be proved wrong, and what I don't understand so that I can come back to them. Most of all, I store here the treasure of all your comments, the comments from people who don't cringe to say the truth. How I wish all your mails, calls and chats also get captured here!

I am usually a very slow beginner. I take my own sweet time to come to terms with anything. For example, I might appear as if I am outright dismissive in an argument, but it's actually me fighting with myself. My most peaceful sleeps are when I am proved wrong, for whenever I am proved right, I become skeptical. So you can surely read this and tell me why I'm wrong. You know I am planning for an MBA. I can put it to any short-term use, but I want to use it in the long term to change a social pattern, however small it is. I don't mind even if it's only after my retirement, but by writing down, I want to remind myself constantly.

Charity needs a noble soul, so I am really not talking about social service here. I want to venture into it and assume the risk for it, so you could call it social entrepreneurship. I want to surely make money too, so may be I've to call it social capitalism. But I want to help someone lead a self-sustained life than do something charitable. I'm not saying the former is better, just that I feel the former suits more the person that I'm. Even in a relation I like if it empowers someone to stand alone than be dependent. So may be we should call this social empowerment.

I am not undermining the difficulty of taking care of oneself and family, my earnest appreciation to all those who do that job remarkably well. I don't know how well I can do that, but I want to be useful to at least one person outside my family, not by any complex root-cause cycle but directly, not through charity but through a way of self-sustenance, not out of good will but out of responsibility. I bow to people who can put others before self; I don't know if I can even reach a stage where I can put others equal to myself. But if you're someone who's already doing that and wanting to make a difference, come let us have a chat and work out a business plan.

Social what? This is social hunt!

Be reckless?

Many quotes are embedded, didn't apostrophize for the sake of congruity.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours - I read this some time back. Though I was able to appreciate it emotionally, I wasn't able to agree to it rationally. Blame it on your own growth, sometimes you really can't avoid being reckless with others. When you extrapolate it, people being reckless with you becomes an unavoidable behaviour too.

All of us are engrossed in our own quests to become the person we desire to be. Probably if we don't know where we're going, any road can get us there. But when we want to go somewhere and not just anywhere, we have to keep opening and closing doors, sometimes our own, sometimes of others. The harder we try, the blinder we get. In the complex and dynamic maze we're in, sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open. While we keep staring, we fall prey to parasitic emotions and narcissistic compulsions that end up retarding our own growth. And the lesser the growth, the more the recklessness.

I thought I got the answer to my disagreement when I read - It is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be. I tried customizing the quote in the first line - Don't help someone become the person he desires not to be, don't put up with someone who helps you become the person you don't desire to be. This came close, however was still not entirely agreeable. I decided to stop the self-torture and went to sleep.

Is your eraser wearing ahead?

"To err is human, but if the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." True, but most of the times, we commit a mistake without realizing we're committing one. That's when even if we don't forgive ourselves, others might probably do; or is it the other way around? But when we commit a mistake while we very well know it's a mistake, I think feeling sorry then doesn't mean anything, unless there is a really worthwhile reason. I, for sure, know some instances where my eraser was ahead of my pencil and I don't think I can prevent that in the future either. Yes, life is lived forward but understood backward! I guess we should just move on taking Einstein's consolation that "Anyone who has not made a mistake has never tried anything new".

Glass houses

As I was beginning to learn the Kannada alphabet, I found it both difficult and confusing, as is mostly the case with any new thing you try. Letters like ಒ (o) and ಜ (ja) that have no connection between them looked similar, as if they were vowel variants of the same consonant. Similar to this were ಘ (gha) and ಫ (pha), just to name one more pair. When I looked at the Tamil alphabet to see how it was doing, I realized that it has many such pairs too - ஏ (ae) and ர (ra), ள (la) and ன (na), etc. Hindi was no exception, for example इ (i) and ड (da), घ (gha) and ध (dha); I'm sure English has such pairs too.

A Tamil friend who went for a six-month German class before his six-week Germany trip made fun of me for roaming around with a Kannada book. I asked him why hasn't he learnt Kannada these six years in Karnataka, of course with a jovial tone. I would've been happy had he told me he was lazy or didn't find time or found it difficult or felt it was not needed; I know we don't have infinite time and energy. But his answer was "Come on, I can't learn this jalebi, all letters look the same". I told him "Believe me, Tamil is no better and its letter இ (i) is the most complex letter I've ever known and most closely resembles a jalebi." I felt like receiving a slap myself, for I was no different some time ago. Now I learn and forget, refresh and remember - but I'm ashamed that I can't speak Kannada fluently even after these many years in Bangalore.

Through this post I want to tell myself that when we live in a glass house, it's sometimes ok to throw stones at others if we have good intentions; that is like our parents advising us to become doctors and engineers, even though they're not one themselves. Sometimes we even tend to slip though we take extreme care to preach what we believe and follow what we preach, which is also perfectly fine; we're all just humans. But I think many times we ridiculously fall prey to our own contempt and either trivialize things we don't believe in or get biased by people we are more bothered about. I think with thousands of years of humankind, it's time for us to not just accommodate, but also appreciate each other. Wait a second, are we even accommodating yet?

All the world's a school

I can't list down all my learnings in life, but if you give me just a few seconds to think, I would say - my best learning in school was when the same teacher who taught me "Truth triumphs", also taught "Sometimes untruth is the best truth"; the best learning from my father was when he who helped me know what I like and what I don't, also said "If someone asks for the red, you should take the blue, even if you like the red"; the best learning from my mother was when she who taught me to live by myself, also told "The best use of life is to be useful to others".

And this post will be too short to tell the best learning I have had from each of you. From small things like "You use too many exclamation marks in your sentences" and "You should brush your teeth before going to bed", to deep thoughts like "Everybody thinks he has to adjust for all others every time" and "What seems right to you is not necessarily right to everyone"; the list is endless. I still can vaguely remember the scene when I cried as I was left into what I thought was my first classroom, I didn't know I was already admitted into this school of all of us three years before that. How many teachers, how many peers, how many seniors, how many juniors - and strangely enough all of us keep switching roles!

You have helped me learn so much in this school - pseudo-races for me to know what it takes to come first and what it means to come last, pseudo-tasks for me to know what it takes to lead and what it means to follow, pseudo-happiness to know why I should make others happy, pseudo-pains to realize what everyone goes through otherwise, pseudo-successes to understand what progress is, pseudo-failures to know what the process is. Some of those threw me out of my equilibrium and some helped me gain it back; some made me feel good about this world while some pretended to do the opposite, everything just for me to learn.

I am learning everyday and phase-by-phase. With every phase I'm looking myself from the opposite side, and then I turn back and face the same side. If I don't contradict myself, am I probably not growing? If I find myself great, have I probably not examined myself carefully? If I don't learn, am I probably not living? Regardless of whether or not I do all this, you still try to teach me in the best possible way every time, even if it means the harshest way; I've enjoyed so far and am eagerly looking forward to more enjoyment. This post is my gratitude to all of you for having me in (y)our school.

Learning is not compulsory, neither is survival - Edwards Deming.

Are you the right you?

Nobel peace prize for Obama - while I gasp a wow, I don't think anyone would have expected this. I'm sure there're going to be multiple debates on this, so I'll choose NOT to discuss about the worthiness of the award. But my first reaction - it does not matter who believes in you or who doesn't, as long as you believe in yourself, you have a leader in you.

I was fortunate to be in the US during its last election and I was able to see a country cry for change. Their elections are a little different from ours; apart from the processes, the striking difference I found was people do not fear to tell in public whom they voted for; such is the transparency in their operations, such is the advancement in their society and such is the protection in their legal system.

Whenever I got the opportunity I used to ask my American colleagues, "Do you believe in Bush?" and without exception they replied "Not any more". The rising terrorism, the wars, the economy, global warming - people definitely needed a change. And Obama was their ray of hope, his dreams were surely bigger than any other person they knew to be living. Even as the orthodox, the rascist and the regressive did not approve of his nomination, the wave gently shifted towards Obama as he won over Clinton for his candidature, over McCain for his presidentship and over critics for his leadership.

When people make fun of you for your middle name, when people abuse you for your colour and when people criticize you for your inexperience, it needs a strong character to stand up and tell "Look I believe in myself, will you believe in me?" Well, even Gandhi was hated by half the country, and there're people who don't believe in God. Why get bogged down by people who ridicule your capability, why go into a shell when you face failures, why get affected by criticisms, why settle cozily in your comfort zone? Just believe in yourself!

Yes, you've to be at the right place at the right time, but before that, you've to be the right you. Are you the right you?

How often do you witness such courage

I saw a TV programme where Kamal Haasan was answering a question in a live debate - "I've lot of respect for the institution of family because it symbolizes unconditional love. But marriage is a legal handcuff that caters love based on conditions. Why do we expect a few things from our spouse that we don't expect from our parents or siblings?" In short he was trying to ask an obvious question - why do you expect your spouse to be so-called-faithful TO YOU when you don't expect it from the other entities of the institution of unconditional love called the family.

A tight slap on each of our perceptions, ego, self-centredness and what not! You'll notice that the slap was even tighter if you realize that these rules were mostly set by the men of the society and the women got a pretty raw deal, just as how the upper caste set the rules against the lower caste of the erstwhile Indian society. If you're someone who thinks marriage is a nobler bond than any of the other bonds in the society, you might find it difficult to appreciate this. But if you're someone who thinks possessiveness is just a decent term given to selfishness in a relation, you will surely appreciate this. I'm right now scared to type more, I'm not as brave as Kamal. So I'll choose not to continue until I see how I handle this selfishness myself.

Thanks and No, Thanks Media

"Julia Roberts is spotted in a village in Haryana" was the hot news in a national TV news channel today. I was able to quickly recollect a couple of other FlashNews of the past - "Sanjay Dutt goes to VaishnoDevi, his girlfriend accompanies him" and "Aishwarya Rai falls ill"; and then hot debates on "Is the T20 victory bigger than the 1983 world cup victory" and "Is Sharukh a bigger star than Amitabh". The funniest part of these debates is the SMS question. I'm sure this will be the SMS question on some channel tomorrow - "Do you think India can make it to the semis in the Champions Trophy?"

I attended a talk by the CEO of redbus.in who was grateful to the media which made the company popular in matter of just a few weeks. He felt that the biggest reason for that is the huge number of news channels who need "some" news. Yes, that way the news channels are helping even in their "irrationale". But the rest of the times, they waste so much of the viewer's time that I personally feel could be dealt better.

I'm sorry, I made the media unethical last week and I'm making it irrational this week, but I've a huge respect for the media. I owe a big chunk of what I know today to the media and the country owes a special thanks to the media for its efforts to bring injustice and malpractice to the floor apart from doing its routine job of spreading the news wonderfully well. The very reason for me to still continue watching these channels is the quality of information discoursed.

But I feel a little more thought away from capitalistic ideologies can shape the country and its people in a big positive way. May be the media is already doing it, perhaps people look to media mostly for entertainment or I might just be watching at the wrong time. But if Jack Welsh says "shareholder value is the dumbest idea in this world", I think it's time for us to think more about stakeholders than just about shareholders.

Small things, Big efforts

If you let me to do so, I would call this the cross-section of a single-floored house. You can say 20% of your house is complete with the foundation, 50% with the roof, 80% with the plastering work and 100% with the woodwork. Extrapolate if you have more than one floor. My house's right now at the ground floor's lintel stage, so I had to freeze the floor's door, window, sunshade and loft positions.

Here is one simple example that testified how small things can require a lot of effort. Initial plan was to not have any loft opening out into the modular kitchen. But parents showed dissent, for they're used to seeing lofts on at least two sides of any room they've used. Multiple phone calls with the architect and friends, visits to modular kitchen showrooms, consulting with interior designers - finally we decided to keep the loft on one side of the kitchen that is not visible from other rooms in the house. Now everyone's happy!

Every week there's a new topic and every day there's a new concern. To build the house according to the wishes of the contractor is a little easy, to build it according to the imaginations of the architect is a little difficult, to build it to your requirements is even more difficult, but to build it to the satisfaction of everyone is really difficult.

I'm surely starting to learn the art of "striking the balance", I hope this helps me in things beyond the house too. This learning experience is definitely more wonderful than the humbling experience of getting bankrupt. But the most wonderful of all is the realization that there're million others doing the same thing and I'm not doing anything unique. Well, this's true about most things in life, isn't it?

Was Buddha selfish?

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" - an interesting Orkut fortune and I thought I'll make it a little boring.

On one hand if you think Buddha preached renunciation, on the other hand you can argue that Buddha himself wanted people to not have wants. Charles Darwin could tell that adaptation is the cause of the origin of new species, but Bernard Shaw would say that all progress depends on the unreasonable man who adapts the world to him and not on the reasonable man who adapts himself to the world.

Here is my take. I can surely say that the worst of my growths have happened when I egotistically convinced myself that I was right and that the best of my growths have happened when I listened to people who told me I was wrong. An unemotional example would be the way I walk. In school, I used to have a funny stoop in my gait until people pointed it out to me; It took me two years to correct it. I no longer walk the same way, so am I no longer the same person? I would say "No, I'm still the same person who walks better."

Was Buddha selfish? I don't think so!

Put on your own mask before you assist others

I happily used to neglect my health till sometime back. I would know that I roamed too much in the sun only when I got fever the next day. I would notice that I worked for too long in the night only when my back started paining. I would agree that I walked too far in the cold only when I started coughing. As I was beginning to know that I was ignoring myself, a friend yelled at me - "Do you think you're God?"

Till that moment I was fairly convinced that taking care of oneself was a selfish act. I had just restarted my gym then and I realized that my year-old back pain was slowly subsiding, both because I was working out and because I was not online late nights. Yes, it took me this long to understand that you need to set your foot strong before you lend your hand.

I'm losing track of what's right and what's not

With exploding number of media channels, news ought to be blown out of proportions. But I sometimes feel moral limits are being crossed. I can cite a dozen examples, but what pains me the most is the denigration this explosion has brought to affected middle class homes. One small mistake by a petty officer in an entrusted job or a slip in the otherwise cautious life of a family person, the media just tears apart. But what happens to the families that can't bear this shame?

Bribery is the easiest example I can think of. Yes, I did write about why I feel corruption is a shame to our country, but then I should admit that I also have a soft corner for the middle class officers who are after bribe. I was happy to know that some of you also share similar views. One of you very rightly even pointed out that their pathetic salary levels is probably the biggest reason, how true!

Let us get back to the morally irresponsible media. Even today, the news channels are ripping apart the Chief Justice of Karnataka for his "alleged" involvement in corruption. Every half hour there're different pictures of him from all possible angles. Yes, I agree it is a shameful offence, but then how would the people at his home face the world tomorrow? I am not trying to justify, but let us list down possible levels of corruption:

• pocketing money for going beyond the routine
• pocketing money for doing the routine
• pocketing money at the cost of the routine
  

Now let us draw some funny equivalents at our own workplace:

• taking a one-hour coffee break after completing work
  
• taking a one-hour coffee break during work
• taking a one-hour coffee break at the cost of work

We don't get a break, so we take it whenever we can. Some don't get money, so they earn it however they can. Well, I just realized I do all the latter three, so I will just shut up right now and hope that the media doesn't become responsible for increasing the suicide rate in the country.

The captain was acquitted

I don't know whether this is real, but I was told so. I found it interesting as I recalled this while I was thinking about the earlier post on "relative perfectionism".

The captain of a ship was investigated in the naval court for a wreck that he was charged for. Apparently he was able to save the wreck from becoming a major disaster, however he was not able to avert the wreck itself. The court appointed a three-member committee to give a report on the case. The committee came back after six months and listed three salvage options that the captain could have tried to prevent the wreck.

The judge asked the captain "Do you have anything to reply?" The captain said "I know my mistake and I am not going to plead innocence. I appreciate the committee for producing a flawless report, I agree that all the three alternatives would have saved the ship. But I have one thing to say. The committee had six months to come up with three solutions. I had just six seconds."

The captain was acquitted.

Let us grow together

A friend asked me "I wonder how your love letter would be!" I laughed and said "Well, that depends on how I decide to propose, but I would like to tell her a few things after I propose, for both of us to practice:

• We were independent individuals taking care of ourselves before we knew each other. Let us not expense our time and energy with workaday updates, unless required. Instead we can focus on other great stuff that we've been destined to take care of.
  
• If we choose to give more attention to someone else at some instant, let us not doubt if our love has reduced. Let our love be selfless.
• Let us keep emotions away and practice detachment while making rational decisions.
  
• When there's a conflict of opinions, let us respect our individual freedom of thoughts.
• Overindulgence does not do good to either of us in the long run and so does worrying over things we can't control or influence.
• Let us not blindly support or oppose each other with extreme prejudice. We will help each other understand both our strengths and weaknesses and try to complement them.
• Last but not the least, let us be honest in both admitting our mistakes and accepting our incapabilities. No one is perfect, it's the other's responsibility to adapt and forgive.
  

But even while we practice (or don't practice) all of these, let us not think we're the best (or the worst) couple in this world. That is an extremely biased statement filled with contempt for others (and ridicule for ourselves). For all we know, we might actually not be (or be) the ideal match. Let us just learn and grow together."

Seeing my friend yawning, I stopped here :)

Where's the chopper anyway?

Chandraayan sends images of Apollo 15 landing, finally a non-American article vouching for the moon-conquest of the US astronauts. I can't talk about the veracity of this article, but I was happy to see it. I once wrote about why people at the top should only be aggressive and not be arrogant. But there's something that I feel about people not at the top too.

I think all of us are taught to push ourselves up and not to pull others down if we've to succeed. But our non-adherence to that learning starts from school - "Ma'am, how can you award more marks to him when he has written the same answer as I've?" As we grow up, we can't see one team always win tournaments, one company always succeed, one country always be at the top; the list goes on.

We say the Western world practices racism, but are we not racists too? We have been practicing a deep-rooted racism called casteism, then an absolutely reasonless racism called regionalism, and then the popular insider-outsider racism. If a Tamil holds racist feelings against a Malayalee, I am 100% sure that an Indian will hold a racist feeling against an American. I don't want to list examples here, but let us be honest to ourselves and accept the fact that we're racists who try to pull down people at the top, ridicule people at the bottom, and both pull down and ridicule those who we think don't belong to our race.

It's really wonderful that we've traced the Apollo landing done many decades back, but let us now trace our own chopper!

Emotions engineered

When two engineers talk about emotions, it can't get worse than the above! Finally when they conclude that anything on the left hand side can pair up with anything on the right hand side, you actually start checking if it really makes sense.

I picked what I thought was an improbable pair - dislike and love. How can you dislike something that you love? I was surprised to find an example. As I was learning to ride my bike, I liked it. Slowly I started loving it. But over these years, the dust, the sun, etc. have made me develop a dislike towards it. But I still absolutely love it. I scratched my head in disbelief only to find that this's true with people too.

But can you really hate something that you'd loved because now your contempt surpasses your adoration? Isn't love such a wonderful feeling that unless you decide to renounce, you will continue to love? I don't know, may be the love that comes from like cannot transform itself into hatred? Even if it does, I feel that's a little lesser-mortalish!

Ok, now the next pair - can you hate something and still like it?

People know what's right and what's not

Viewing an imperfection as a responsibility to fix something has been a trait that I am not sure how I developed. Blame it on Gandhi for "It must be the friend and not the mistake that we support" or Oscar Wilde for "A true friend stabs in the front", I started to believe that friendship or for that matter any relationship should encourage the right thing and discourage the wrong thing.

But then you run into problems doing that. You become the bad guy when you point fingers at people who don't have any compulsion to listen to you, because they don't understand your intentions. You become worse when you misconceive a perfection as an imperfection, because you then are self-righteous. You become even worse when you repeat yourself because you then are not able to accept people as they're. Most people get defensive at this point because they think this is intrusion. Even people who go back and evaluate themselves later appear defensive at that moment, this includes me.

Sometimes the most perfect way might not be the happiest way. Watching cricket had given me so much pleasance some time ago. Now I've stopped watching but I've surely not found a substitute so far that can glue me to eight hours of delight. Sometimes our own maturity level inhibits us from doing the perfect thing. I think it was in class 5, I still remember the exact scene when I stood up for not doing the homework and lied that I had a bad head ache. I was thrilled at that moment but I repent for it even today. Sometimes there's a genuine reason for us to not do the perfect thing. During the final months of my class 12, I'd vowed to myself not to play the guitar till the exams. When I refused to play during the school farewell, I surely made some of my friends angry and I still feel bad about it.

But as I recollect such incidents, I feel people should be allowed to do what makes them happy, because perfection in real life is both a relative and a subjective term, and not an absolute term as a dictionary would suggest. With this assurance of self-happiness, I want to be able to grow myself to say yes when I like and no when I don't, to stand for things I believe in and against those that I don't, or to sum up to be myself. I have a long way to go, but I am convinced that people know what's right and what's not for them.

Oohlalala

Remember we had won the Oohlalala competition on Sun TV two years back? The Oohlalala album with one song each from the six bands that had won was released by AR Rahman on Aug 7, 2009.

In the photo -
Top: TPK, Me, Swami, Vicky, Harish, Shiva, GNR (the band Agam)
Bottom: Andrea, Saregama MD, Rahman, Gautam Menon, Shruti Hassan



Our performance in the first round (2:50 to 5:50):

First step towards reservationless India?

I'm not sure how historic the Right to Education Bill is going to be, but it is definitely a step towards an India that might not need reservations in higher education at least in some distant future, closer than it seemed before this bill.

I was just reading through the news article - Free and compulsory education till the age of 14, fully equipped schools, properly qualified teachers - I'm not sure how much of these are going to come into practice, how wonderful will it be if they do! But I was really surprised to see this - 25% reservation in private schools for disadvantaged children from socially and educationally backward sections. How much I wished to see this for many years now!

I'm sure no one can argue that admission into primary schools is based on merit; it is actually everything except merit that goes into a primary school admission and it will be ridiculous anyways to be talking about academic merit for such tender age. So I assume people cannot stigmatize this reservation as talent pool dilution. However, I would have been even happier if I saw the bill also say something along the lines of either "refusing higher education quota for students who got reservation in primary school" or "reducing reservation percentages in higher education decade-over-decade". The minister says that this proposal has become a bill after 16 years, so may be it might take another 16 years for something like the above in italics to become a bill? Nevertheless, this is a non-trivial attempt towards building an India that all of us are dreaming of. I hope this exponentially improves education standards among the unfortunate children of our society. It's time we lived up to our childhood pledge of "All Indians are my brothers and sisters".

If you started to follow my blog only recently, please note that I am not against reservations, at the same time, I am not for reservations in it's current format. However I try not to blindly oppose anything and everything that does not benefit me nor blindly support anything and everything that benefits me.

My long confession

Disclaimer: The terms "attachment" and "detachment" that I've used here may or may not convey the same meaning as they do in spiritual books.

It was some time around my mid-college times that I realized I was missing something in life. How is it that people live through a moment so much? I moved my clock to the past. My name was in the local newspapers for securing some material rank in the school board exams, but I was not elated by it. I think I was not "attached" to the result of the exams; my parents enjoyed the moment more than I did. Then the dilemma between medicine and engineering, I just didn't have any preference, for I was not "attached" to either biology or maths. Off I joined college, students missed their home during their initial days of hostel life. But I don't think I ran through those emotions as well, for I think I was not "attached" to my home.

And then expressions. I believed that what exists in the heart is worth million times more than what is expressed. "All the best", "Congratulations", "Have a nice day", "Happy new year", "Happy vacation" - all these were mere formalities to me, for I was fairly convinced that they're words wasted and will not control any outcome in this world. Some of my friends still make fun of me for giving a nil-reaction when they told me I had got through a job interview during the campus season.

That was when I forcefully decided to slowly "attach" myself to this world. I thought I would be able to understand people better this way. But I didn't know that once I get in, the chain would take care of my entanglement and I will forever be lost in the illusion of "attachment". It started with people first. By the time I passed out, I got myself attached to my closest set of friends that I remember crying many nights for having to be separated from them. After college, I attached myself to my job. Success in getting something to work motivated me to achieve further. But minor disappointments arising from small expectations affected me. I even started to show my outside frustrations at home. Sometimes there were conflicts of the attachment priorities too, say, when my people were unhappy about something, I was not able to concentrate at work.

I started to realize that today it could be my closest people or the dearest things, but tomorrow it could be any Tom, Dick and Harry that could throw me off my equilibrium. The chain of questions started. Since when did I start getting disappointed? Well, since when did I start having expectations? I started tracing back since then and it was not until recently that I root-caused this to the experimentation I had started a few years ago. Phew, I became a prey of my own experiment. It became such a progressive process inside me that even I didn't know when it started and how it coursed itself through.

After my ISB battle, I was upset for a few days, but I think in a detached life I wouldn't have got affected. I am able to confidently say this because I am going through something similar right now. I am loving my house construction just as I love my MBA aspiration, but then there's a difference, I am less attached to the house. The construction is waiting on the bank loan. Thanks to a human error made during the conversion of housing authorities, my loan has come to a hiatus at the last moment. I've been trying for the last two months, but thanks again to all the politeness and sincerity I got to witness in government offices, the struggle might take longer. But I'm definitely able to handle this better; my parents are more disturbed than I'm.

So, has all this experimentation deteriorated my journey towards things beyond life. May be true, but I personally don't think so. I have surely learnt so much during these "attachment" years. The most prominent of those is my belief in what I don't understand as God. It might take more than a life's time for me to understand, but then I know what has changed in me. I've also experienced the greatest of my delights and celebrated the happiest of my moments. But I've also suffered the worst of my disappointments.

What concerns me now is, was I "useful" to anyone during those phases of disappointments. I think to be "useful" to anyone including myself, without attachmental prejudices, I need to be in equilibrium first. If attachment is going to throw me off it, I don't think I need it. Frankly I don't know which way to go, but if my love to people will not reduce, if my hunger to achieve something in life will not mince, if my dedication to my actions will not subdue, or in short if my commitment to life will not suffer - I think I should make every effort not to stay "attached".

I'm sorry, one more on relationships

Again a TV show, this time a debate - "Whether it's love or friendship, you give your 100%. If the other person is giving only 70%, it's he who's losing the 30%". For a change, it was not a guy and a girl arguing, but they were two guys, who are long-time friends in real life.

I can definitely see the truth in it, at the same time, I can argue with myself against it too. You give your best, you'll gain the most; you don't doubt, you'll derive the maximum bliss, agreed. But how do you handle when your expectations are not met. Expectations are the cause of all disappointments, but then can you really lead a life without expectations? When you give 100%, it's very unnatural not to expect 100% back. But thinking laterally, I think these expectations and disappointments are a little malformed because according to the laws of probability if not the laws of life, we would ourselves be failing to meet the expectations on the other side by the same amount.

I think a relationship, as one of my friends puts it, is like a flowing river. It goes through an amazing journey, but the true test comes when disturbed. You throw a stone, you'll know how clear the bed beneath is. The muckier it gets, the more rotten the relationship is. But the quickness and longevity with which the muck is cleared will demonstrate the purity and the strength of the relation. Flood and drought, well, they're part of the package too.

I've nothing to opine, nothing to conclude, so I leave it open.

Stay selfish, Stay foolish

That's a title inspired from Steve Jobs' speech at Stanford on "Stay hungry, Stay foolish", but it suits this discussion. Of late I've been having funny conversations with friends on the concept of marriage, to see how they react, and of course with a selfish interest to learn.

I would start like this - When we're one big happy family, and no one has "vested" interest in a different family, where'll there be problems, who'll think about God. So, marriage is a concept invented by God to divide and rule us. Marriage by itself is not the only problem, we create more problems around it, the most prominent being our children. We solve this new problem that we create by growing the children. Finally we get them married so that they can also create more problems and solve them. In all, we don't solve any existing problem, but convince ourselves that we're doing a great job. I would go on speaking more nonsense.

Finally, the discussions would boil down to one argument. When's the best result achieved - when everyone's selfish or when everyone's selfless? If everyone's selfish and takes care of own and the family, isn't the world taken care by itself. Well, most management concepts will tell you so, but is life another capitalistic playground? Help yourself, help your family, help your friends - be selfish, why care about the rest of the world anyways? But then if everyone keeps the house clean, who cleans the street? Well, it'll be someone who's paid for it so that he can take care of his own family. The argument would mostly stop here.

I included helping friends also in the list of selfish acts above. That doesn't mean I advocate charity as the most selfless act. I personally am not a big proponent of charity. But I am a big fan of communist ideas like bridging economic inequalities, reservations, etc. if they are rationally implemented. Recently I heard someone, who I remember once spoke so vehemently against caste-based reservation, come out openly in support of reservations for women. I didn't quite understand that though. Anyway, that's not relevant to this discussion. Let us hope that some day reservation becomes clean, and it takes suppression, economy, exposure, and everything else other than caste into account. May be when we reach that stage, reservations might not be required at all?

Coming back to our discussion about marriages and children, I am still having such funny conversations and still learning. If you've something even funnier, let me know too.

Raise your voice, Get your share

My "halli" only had Reliance Wimax connectivity when I came back to Bangalore. I was disappointed because I was not confident that Reliance will give me a satisfactory broadband connection, for I knew Reliance is known for its over-subscription.

True to my assumption, the connection was pathetic. But I convinced myself that this was the best possible and that I had only a few more months to leave Bangalore anyways. Now that I didn't go anywhere, I complained and got my antenna position shifted towards a new tower. I'm now getting a real cool connectivity of almost 1 mbps most of the time. Just in case any of you is using Reliance, I think you'll not get your share until you raise your voice. I think this's true about many things in life? Let me wait till this new tower gets over-subscribed.

Trust vs Loyalty

After the "glimpse" of a megaserial, now it's about a "glimpse" of a movie. A millionaire, after an accident, is pretending to be blind to learn about some frauds happening at his home. The heroine, the only other person who knows he is not blind, is in his house as a nurse. The hero, who also works in the house, happily flirts with the heroine every now and then and even in front of the millionaire. After one such flirting episode, the millionaire tells the heroine "I'm really impressed with you, you've not even disclosed the truth to your boyfriend".

But does this happen in real life? I knew a friend who wanted to shift teams within her company. She just enquired about the role to the new manager and asked him not to tell her old manager before she finds the right time to tell. Even if the new manager wanted to get some feedback, he could have just waited for her consent, but he didn't do that. Now she can't face her old manager. I was discussing about this today with a friend to whom I go for such enlightenment, for she's an excellent scholar of Hindu philosophies - "I tell you something and ask you not to tell your husband. If you tell him, you break my trust. If you don't, you break your loyalty to him. What'll you do?" She said "I'm not sure if the latter is true, but I for sure know the former is true, so I'll not tell him".

Truth vs Gain, Peace vs Truth, Duty vs Peace, Loyalty vs Duty, Trust vs Loyalty, the chain can go on, but I think in all of the above, I would want to "rationally" choose the former whenever I can. But yes, I agree that exceptions can be made for a "selfless good". There would surely have been a few instances in my life, where I might not have practiced this, by writing it down I want to make sure I practice it. If you're my friend and you expect me to uphold loyalty to you at the cost of breaking someone else's trust in me, I might probably decide to resign from your friendship rather than breach the trust. I'm sure I will run into a quandary with my wife on this, I will use this to tell her that "I'm sorry I'm following this from Jul 8, 2009." ;)

I will just end this with a verse from a Tamil epic, Thirukkural -
Poimaiyum vaaimai udaithu puraitheerndha
Nanmai payakkum enin.
Even falsehood has the nature of truth, if it confers a benefit free from fault.

Still they remain

Truths that disdained my beliefs
Discords that wrecked my resolve
Events that shook my strength
Losses that crumped my confidence

Comforts that solaced me
Stories that grained me
World that endured me
People that shaped me

All that I was yesterday
All that I'm today
All that I'll be tomorrow
All that I was born for

Stored in memories that I forgot
Stacked in papers that I lost
Stocked in discussions that I drowned
Stashed in disks that I erased

Over the last three years as carnations
I put them in the networks
Still they remain
Me, myself and Naren

Not another denouncement of megaserials

I try my best to match my dinner timing when mom's not watching one of those daily TV serials, but it's not always possible. I don't try to do it very earnestly though, because now and then when I peep into those megaserials I definitely learn something. I would say the popular anti-megaserial sentiments emanating from public ridicule is a little skewed. Sure, they're funny and so slow that you can follow even if you watch them only once a week, but I bet you'll "learn" more from watching 16 episodes of a good 30-min megaserial than from watching an 8-hour game of one day cricket. Sorry for such a poor joke, but megaserials surely deserve some respect for being the only form of entertainment to the millions of housewives in India who are worn out from years and years of household chores.

I would like to document one such "glimpse" of an episode that made me think. I right now don't know the answer, but I will come back to this post when I know more. There's the usual "good" heroine of the story who's faced with persistent cruel obstacles to her career and life from a villain guy. The heroine finally gets exasperated and tells "He's got all this time to cause so much havoc in my life because his business is running fine. I think I should create problems in his life, only then my life will be saved and he'll learn his lessons." I didn't watch the episodes after that, I'm sure, she would only practice moral hinderances for the "good" heroine that she is. Nevertheless, this made me think.

By creating problems in his life, is she commiting the same mistake that he did. Yes, but then does she have any other way out? Probably no. Has she done enough to maintain harmony till now? Yes for many years now. So, is she justified? I think yes. Even Bhagvad Gita asks us to fight against immoral acts done against us, even if it means being "violent". May be I shouldn't have taken Gita here because I don't know anything about it, but it at least suits the context.

I right now leave the argument open. I myself have been in this dilemma many times only to have ended up practicing non-violence. But I think I've been a coward trying to do that. I'm slowly starting to put up fights when I feel I'm being taken for a ride. But I'm doing that without full self-consent. I need to quickly find answers to help me surf through such continuing situations at least in the future.

Catch me at your own risk when I'm bored

9 pm, 13 July 2007

I want to leave for home now, but it's still raining. Even yesterday I kept waiting for the rain to yield, but finally decided to ride my bike in the rain, for the rain never did yield. I can't blame God for this because He's neither my mom to understand that I'm hungry, nor my dad to guess that I'm tired for the day wanting to go home and sleep, nor my sister to give me a call asking me to take a rick and get back home, nor my brother to pick me up in his car, nor my friend to come over to the office and give me company.

But isn't God supposed to be my mom, dad, sister, brother or friend whenever I need him to be. Ah, I know why, he's at too far a distance to see me waiting and even worse, it's dark. Ok, let me go back to peeping through the window to see if the rain has at least softened enough to make me wonder if God had a really sharp night vision!

[I had written this on a friend's cube in office while I was waiting for the rain to stop]

How well do you know me

I had to return a questionnaire with this title to a friend. I'm posting some of those here so that you could know me more too, if you want to.

What are you most afraid of? Sun
Favourite food? Chinese Manchurian
Have you travelled? To the US and Canada
Loved someone so much it made you cry? Love is the only thing that can make me cry
BMW or Mercedes Benz? I think about material things only when needed
Favourite day of the week? Saturday (evening)
Favourite sport to watch? Used to be cricket, now I don't watch any
Disney or Warner Brothers? I don't pay attention to whether it's Disney or WB or Kottampatti productions

How many times you failed your driver's test? Once, California's

Before this one, what was your last e-mail? College wing e-groups mail
What do you do most often when you are bored? I start thinking why I'm bored

Bedtime? I still keep thinking

What means the most to you? Honesty
Favourite TV shows? I watch TV only for news
Dating males or females? I don't find a difference, both are sweet and are rich in iron
Tall or short? Doesn't matter
What is your favourite colour? Used to be black, now I've started liking pleasant red
How many pets do you have? I used to have an aquarium
Age: Above or below 29? I want to quickly reach 30
What would you like to accomplish/do before you die? I want at least one other family to cry for me when I'm gone.

The money and the black

Is there anywhere else I can post this so that it has some effect? I wouldn't think so because I am not going to tell something that no one else knows; every citizen who has gone to a government office will tell you stories. A percentage of the property registration cost being asked as registration fee is valid. But another percentage being asked as bribe, is ridiculous. Why would anyone register for the full amount if he knows that some percentage of it has to go to feed the mouths of totally unrelated people. It doesn't stop here.

Let us take the property processes in Bangalore for example. After registration, you need to get the name transfer called Khatha done for which the fee is around 500 but the bribe is 2000. CMC (City Municipal Corporation) was taken over by BBMP (Bruhat Bangalore Mahanagara Palike) last year. So, you need to get this Khatha converted. The fee for this is around 1000, but the bribe is 5000. To build a house you need to get a plan approval, the fee for which can go up to 5000, but you have to pay 20000. For an electricity connection, the fee is 1000, but you will have to pay 5000. Even to get something as small as an encumbrance certificate for which the fee cannot go more than 500, you will have to pay at least 1000.

I have only gone that far, I don't know how much more I will have to shell out to fill all those corrupt vacuums that come my way in the future. All this bribe not to get some work done beyond what is legal and beyond what comes under the normal operations of the officers; these are just the fully legal routine tasks. At the end of all this, still no road and no water! Can nothing be done about all this? It's a shame that Gandhi has to adorn all the Indian currency notes.

My hibernation

Dear friends,

My girlfriend is keeping me a little busy. Not that I can't manage, but my year-long back pain is beginning to show up on my productivity; I am finding it difficult to stay online late evenings. With a non-Bangalore architect, my phone bills are already shooting up. With people at home belonging to a slightly older generation too naive to cope up with this cruel world and too bare to appreciate the modern-day house construction gymnastics, I realized that I will have to be around for every small thing.

I think this house construction task has come just at the right time while I was thinking to withdraw myself from social life temporarily. Almost all of you close friends are either married or committed and I was finding it odd to disturb you. Now I have a reason not to disturb you, I'm also committed.

Please expect my frequency of mails, chats and phone calls to come down drastically. Probably as a result, my blogging frequency might increase!

Regards,
Naren

"India is a completely safe country"

Those are the words of our Home Minister P. Chidambaram who I guess is more optimistic than I'm, and I'm pathetically optimistic about everything. I remember he said as a finance minster "Our market fundamentals are strong, whatever has happened is a small market correction and our markets will stabilize from now" when the sensex dropped from 20K to 15K. But we all know that it went from there till 9K. Anyway, economy is anyone's guess, so what he said as a Finance Minister is what anyone at that crucial post should do, to spread "positive sentiments".

But now I can't agree to what he says.

US in its travel advisory on India has said "As terror attacks are a serious and growing threat, US citizens in India are urged to always practice good security, including maintaining a heightened situational awareness and a low profile". Now PC replies "India is a safe place, it is safer than many other countries in the world. Thousands of tourists come to India and we look forward to welcoming them." The same day there is high alert in South Indian cities for possible terror attacks by three terrorists.

What has being safer than many other countries got to do with what the US thinks about India. I feel India is definitely unsafe and I advise all foreign citizens, especially from countries safer than India, to please take care of themselves; I don't think India is a safe country.

My evolution

[Read the Apr 13 post before this]

Evolution, I thought was mostly about monkey becoming man. But yes, as we all know, there's an evolution happening internally in each one of us as we grow. I've changed so much, within myself from the simplest things to the most complex things of life. One simple example, I had never hesitated to borrow something from a friend during college days, be it a little bit of shampoo or some money. But now, I prefer not to do that. I didn't have a blazer for my ISB interview, but I decided to go without it than borrow. Yes, I'm liking being less dependent. I'm sure many of you are feeling the same way too.

A few days back, some of us, old friends had a get-together and they wanted to watch a movie. It's been really long since I stopped watching movies unless there's no other better way to spend the time together. A few years back, I would've been the first person to suggest a movie. But now I said "No, I don't want to watch any movie". Well, that's another change, I've started saying no for things I don't like.

Yesterday, I saw my street getting leveled with bulldozers and road-rollers. I asked them "So finally, road"? They said "No, the MLA's father has expired, we're leveling road to the graveyard". What a reason to get the road leveled! Not long ago, I would've just had a hearty laugh at this. But yesterday, I got angry. This feeling of anger and frustration at things around me about which I am not able to do anything, is definitely a change in me.

But, the most wonderful change of all, I have learnt to move on. I didn't expect I would forget about my girlfriend within a month's time of losing her. Now and then she definitely haunts me, but I think I'll be able to manage. Yes, I've found a new girlfriend. We're planning to get engaged in a couple of weeks; marriage would be sometime early next year. I have uploaded her picture in picasa. More details about her soon.

My ugly mathematics of falling in love

(scripted ... sorry, feeling too bored)

Friend: Hi
I: Hi, I've been listening to this Tamil song Netru illadha maatram since dinner over and over. I don't know if I listen to this song when I'm in a romantic mood or get into a romantic mood when I listen to it, but I'm feeling romantic now.
Friend: I can see something fishy here. Let me also listen to it.
I: I'm happy today for no reason. At the same time I'm feeling bad that I'm missing something. I think I'm in love ;-)
Friend: Wow, who's the girl?
I: I don't think it's a girl, because I'm sure I'll know if it's a girl.
Friend: What? Is it a guy?
I: Oho! I think I'm in love with life as such.
Friend: That's even worse, now don't kid. Tell me who's it.
I: There are so many uncertainties in life. We plan something and something else happens, we re-plan. There's a change again and then another plan. Still something goes wrong somewhere. I'm just loving this challenge.
Friend: I won't believe all that. Who's the girl? But yes, love is a wonderful feeling. It might be a pain to call everyday and say "I love you", but then when you are in love, everything around you is so nice, even if your manager yells at you.
I: Have we spoken about my mathematics of love?
Friend: Now what's that?
I: I'll tell only if you agree not to beat me up next time we meet.
Friend: Haha, sure.
I: Well, there are different stages of love. When you reach stage 'n', you'll start to question yourself if you're in love. When you're in 'n+1', you'll know that you can't live without that person. When you're in the 'n-1' stage, you'll know that the person is coming closer and closer to you. But you'll have that one last chance to arrest your feelings and see clearly, beyond which you'll already be drowned in love. But the problem with this god damn love is you'll meet that one person who'll make your n-1=n=n+1 in zero time. I don't think I've met that one girl till now. Or may be I've, but either she didn't come to a stage close to n, or I stopped myself voluntarily or involuntarily.
Friend: I couldn't appreciate in the first reading, but I read it the second time and it is nice. It makes sense.
I: There was a time when I used to think arranged marriages are inferior to love marriages. But, thanks to the equal number of my friends who've had arranged marriages and love marriages, I now know that both marriages have the same kind of problems and pains, and the same kind of happiness and bliss. The only question that remains is will our parents be able to find the right match for us as much as we'll be able to. There's a variable called probability, another one called destiny and so many more. Whoever finds the girl, all these variables can do anything to our married lives. So, I've not only got hope in arranged marriages now, but also started to believe that nothing is superior or inferior.
Friend: Yeah, that's true. With that note, I'll listen to the song one last time and go to sleep.
I: Hmm, I'll also. Good night.

Sorry, my girlfriend

I have definitely heard about her before, but I think the first time I met her was in Jan 2001, during my fourth semester in BITS. I knew I had fallen for her the first time itself. You wouldn't believe, there was only one course in all the four years that I didn't miss even one class of, and it was this class that I met her in. No wonder I made an A, in spite of the usual reckless preparation I do before any test. I remember telling a friend "I think I love her." But then things changed so much after that, years just cruised over me. I even had thought I should ditch her. But I know all of you would agree that you could move on, you could probably rub if off aside as infatuation, but then it is so very difficult to forget your first love, or for that matter, any love.

Five years after Pilani, I still kept thinking of her. It was a dull drizzling evening when I was at a friend's house in Bangalore that I decided to propose to her; I agree, rainy days are the most romantic. But for the disgustingly analytical guy that I was, I made sure it was an open proposal - "I am expressing my interest in you. If you're also interested and if you think you would also benefit from this relation as much I think I would, please consider. We don't have to decide right now, there is still so much time ahead of us. I am equally fine with both a yes and a no."

Months sailed, I went to the US and I started missing her more. Not a day, I could spend without thinking about her. Finally, I decided to make it official. I did propose to her on the 14th of not February, but August, 2008. Yes, I took seven long years to know that I was in love. We met six weeks later, on 24th Sep and our rendezvous went as expected, no surprises and no shocks. I came back from the US and I just couldn't concentrate at work, forget about my tough times at home during those twilight evenings. I wrote to her parents on Dec 1st, they did get back to me and all of us met on Jan 29.

Two weeks later, I came to know that all of them were happy about our relationship. For six months, every evening, I would have a session with my parents about this and finally they too started believing that this is the best that could happen to me. In fact, I spoke with her parents only after getting the approval from my parents.

It was all set when on Apr 8th, my uncle came and said "I thought it was decided much before that you will be marrying my daughter." We were all shocked. I personally remember speaking about my love to my aunt and her daughter. In fact my uncle knows about it too. But my uncle decided not to budge. My aunt couldn't influence him, nor her daughter. I told my uncle "This is my life. Things change. I agree there has been some disconnect. But the blame rests on all of us. We have to do the best thing, for all of us now". But my uncle didn't move an inch. Finally I said "Ok, let us leave this for now. Let us think about this over the next one year. We will come back and discuss this exactly one year from now."

I have told my parents, my girlfriend's parents, my uncle's family and everyone concerned. Things are on hold till next year. Over this one year, I could change, my uncle could change, his daughter or my girlfriend ... anyone could change. Whatever the change is, I hope it is for the good, for the good of everyone.

All characters above are fictitious and any resemblance is purely coincidental. Starring, in the order of appearance:
My girlfriend - My MBA
My fourth semester class - Principles of Management
A friend to whom I confessed I am probably in love - my wingie in BITS
My decision to propose - I registered at mba.com
My official proposal on 14 Aug 2008 - I booked my GMAT
My rendezvous on 24 Sep 2008 - I took my GMAT
My letter to her parents on Dec 1 2008 - My ISB application
Meeting her parents on Jan 29 2009 - My ISB interview
My uncle and family - Cisco